Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

Hey James,

It has been hard but I had a music thing on today. I did also see my psychologist where we talked about it a bit actually.

Funnily enough I got a call saying the meeting will be toward the end of January. Look its going to to happen so I should be grateful that it is. A part of me is over it actually probably because I've expended so much energy over it.

I do have some good news. I am catching up with a guy to potentially start a band on Monday. We booked a recording studio so I am trying to push in the right direction. I'm looking forward to it.

Hey Dools,

It is frustrating and it isn't a good time of the year to resolve anything. Unfortunately thats just how it is and I'll have to deal with it.

Thats a really good question. I find album covers really enhances the music for me actually. Let's see:

- In Rainbows by Radiohead

- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by The Smashing Pumpkins

- Revolver and Sgt Pepper by The Beatles

- The Who Sell Out by The Who

- London Calling by The Clash

- Led Zeppelin III by Led Zeppelin

- Pylon and Fire Dances by Killing Joke

- Warehouse: Songs and Stories by Hüsker Dü

- Damned, Damned, Damned and The Black Album by The Damned

Those are the ones that I came up with. I probably could have put more but they are some of my favourites.

[smallwolf]

Hi Azzdog,

Thought I would just point out some of the positives in the last post for you...

- talking to a psychologist

- starting a new band (strong possibility)

- booked a recording studio

- might get some closure at end of Jan

Putting aside holidays, I like my days/life to be ordered and do not like uncertainty. I like(d) to have plans and the contingency plans. I like(d) to know when things are due so they can done well ahead of time. So if you were to say "this will happen some time in the future" that would frustrate me. Previously I would ask "when?!?", but not so sure now. When my psychologist brought this up, I found papers on the Internet about dealing with uncertainty, from a mental health site in WA so that I could get a better understanding and work out ways to deal with this.

Do you think that you might be similar?

By the way, I do not know Hüsker Dü but your taste is music isn't so bad. I know and like the other bands you mentioned in that list even if I don't listen to them every day.

Tim

[Azzdog]

Yes I am like that. I prefer to know the specific time somethings going to happen rather than getting ambiguius replies. It might be a while away but I’m glad it’s locked in. It’s really helped me the past couple of days to know it’s in place.

Hüsker Dü were originally a hardcore punk band that quickly transitioned into a melodic post punk band. They were one of the original alternative rock bands along with The Replacements and R.E.M.

[Doolhof]

HiAzzdog, Tim and All,

I am learning so much about music here! Thanks for broadening my education!

To me record covers are a bit like wine and beer labels, some are so mazing with their art work, the talent behind them is incredible.

I go to bottle shops with my husband and spend a lot of my time just looking at the art work on the labels!

I wonder if people every choose a record or CD more for the cover than the actual songs?

Cheers all from Dools

[smallwolf]

Azzdog,

If you are interested in a link to on document I read about accepting uncertainty, this is the one I mentioned earlier...

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer%20Modules/What%20Me%20Worry/What%20Me%20Worry%20-%2009%20-%20Accepting%20Uncertainty.pdf

R.E.M are also a good band, and from the 80s. Not sure if they are still around?!? Bands like Iron Maiden, Metallica, Judas Priest are from the late 70s or early 80s and some still producing good music. Black Sabbath supposedly retired this or last year. Kiss should retire.

Dools,

On choosing an album for the cover. That is definitely a possibility. Certain types of the music have album covers that have a certain look and you can guess the sound of the music from the album cover and whether you might like it. In fact some albums covers could be considered actual works of art, and the polar opposite to what you might listen to.

Tim

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

Thanks for the article, it was a good read.

REM called it a day a few years ago. I think they have been offered a lot of money to reform every now and then but they keep turning it down. It sounds like they are all finished with the band.

Hey Dools,

I think the album cover is almost as important as the music itself. It compliments the music and it generally gives you a vibe of what the album is going to sound like. There are some albums out there that have lazy artwork but are good albums nonetheless. But I do like good artwork because I do appreciate art. I think one of the best bands out there that make really good artwork is Radiohead. Their artwork is always quite provocative and thought provoking. A band like Cheap Trick however, despite being a good band, tend to have pretty lazy artwork. It actually does put me off a little bit! So I wouldn’t be surprised if people chose an album solely on its artwork. I’m pretty sure I did that once haha

[Azzdog]

I thought I should give an update.

I met up with the guy last night and we jammed. We may be starting a band soon but we need a drummer, which are hard to find.

It was great but I’m not getting ahead of myself.

[Doolhof]

HI Azzdog and All,

I was sure I responded here yesterday about some band names and song titles from 1983, but it seems I may have forgotten to actually post my reply! Bother.

All the best with jamming again with that guy Azzdog.

One of my nephews used to like playing the drums. They lived on a farm so his practising didn't bother anyone else!

All the best, cheers from Dools

[Azzdog]

Hey Dools,

Haha yeah I’m pretty sure my mum would have been against me getting a drum set in my house. Luckily for her I’ve never really been into the drums.

Hey Tim,

I contacted the youth group you suggested and they never got back to me. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a WA service or if it’s the Christmas season. However it is pretty disappointing that I didn’t even get a response.

[smallwolf]

Try them again in the new year? But I think that it is pretty bad service if they cannot even respond to thank you for your email and will get back to you type message.

I also read your message about the band and a lack of a drummer. I would suggest a drum machine, but I don't think that would be up your alley? There is a guy on youtube (but his name escapes me) who does everything himself live, via a looping machine. Does the drums, keyboards, and rhythm parts on a loop (live) and then play lead over the top of that. Maybe your chance to learn the drums 🙂

In fact there are few bands where the drummer plays guitar or vice versa. The drummer of alkaloid plays guitar. And in a band called fleshgod apocalypse, the guitarist switched the drums (blast beats) and recently switched back to guitar and singing.

Tempted?

Tim