Hello Aaron,
I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have been reading your posts but have struggled to form a response so I've just let Tim speak to you.
I have been struggling to form a response because it seems to me like you are, at once, hating yourself and/because/resulting in hating humanity as well, because you feel like humans and women suck. It seems like the hatred of yourself and your hatred of others feed each other. It feels like there's a lot of hatred and anger, and I find it difficult to narrow down on something when we go from talking about you to talking about others, which I imagine would be even harder for you.
I have noticed that Tim has also tried to hone in one one thing at a time: music, or his story about Church.
May I ask: do you ever find it helpful to try and put things aside, to then just focus on one aspect?
For example, you want to do things that help others. Putting issues with Orygen aside, and putting aside the sexual health of young men, what are some other things you can do? Do you have any friends or family who are feeling down? When you see a worker at a cafe looking tired, could you just ask them how their day is going and see if you can improve their mood while they finish their shift? What about sitting down with a homeless person and just having a chat to them? Or, as Tim suggested, a more organised support system somewhere else?
I totally agree with you that other people are often roadblocks to us achieving what we want, but I think that often there are smaller easier ways to do the same things if we can put aside the roadblocks and just focus on one issue we're grappling with. It's a bit much to look at everything at the same time, and we need to start small if we're to go big at all.
James
