Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

There is an unwritten rule that some parts of society have over alcohol. I’ve been called “unAustralian” for turning down alcohol. That’s how ingrained it is in society. Sure some don’t care either way, but in my generation it’s a big part of wanting to connect with others.

History and music are my two biggest interests. If they don’t like it then it’s going to be hard to ever connect with someone. I’m going to have a career in history as well. I like to talk about it. Music has also defined me as a person. I wouldn’t have the political and social views that I have if it wasn’t for punk.

I get my BA but I still have a Masters to do. So employment is still a year and a half off.

How do you tell a woman you barely know is she in a relationship? I have social anxiety. How does anyone expect me to say that? Isn’t that a creepy thing to say? I think it’s pretty evident from meeting me the first time that I am not in one. I’m physically unattractive and a mess of a human being from an emotional point of view.

I’m doing all I can. I’m meeting with some guys on Sunday about jamming together. I don’t have high hopes for it.

[smallwolf]

Azzdog,

I didn't say you were not doing all you can. Things are tough at the moment. I get that. And you are doing all that you can to improve. I assume that you are going to the board games club still? And this Sunday meeting up with some guys about music. Look at this as a positive. These are opportunities for you to connect with others. And maybe little by little you will be able to manage (?) your social anxiety. And until things start to click it will feel bad. You remember when I told you about the physical symptoms I get... With my current medication, those feelings are much reduced. Beforehand felt like a heartattack waiting to happen. So I am asking you to stick with it.

The other points you mentioned I might tackle in a later post. Still with you.

Tim

[Azzdog]

Oh I never implied that. I’m sorry if it came across that way. I am still going to the board games group. I’ll be going next Tuesday. I have a band thing on Sunday and a Celtic/Irish music band thing on Thursday. So there are things happening right now, or will be soon.

That’s good to hear that your physical symptoms have come down. Hopefully it stays that way.

[smallwolf]

So do I.

And good luck with the music thing on Sun. Don't forget to enjoy yourself.

Tim

[Azzdog]

I’ll try to. I feel like crap right now though.

[smallwolf]

I hope your music thing went well today.

When you do feel like "crap", what do you do? I know that you mentioned social anxieties before, but if you do feel like "crap" (as you put it), are you able to go for a walk and listen to music while you do to distract yourself from those thoughts?

Tim

[Azzdog]

The music thing didn't happen but it has been pushed back to this Sunday.

Sometimes I do go for walks to help get rid of those thoughts. However, sometimes, believe it or not, the music can be a trigger (shows you just how messed up my brain is). I'm very cynical about love songs because it just doesn't extrapolate to everyone. I also think they are overdone and ridden with cliches.

I've been diving more into hardcore punk the last couple of days. I've been listening to Black Flag and Hüsker Dü and it's amazing how conflicted I feel when I listen to this stuff. On one hand it makes me feel validated and I that I am not alone. When I hear Henry Rollins scream about isolation and social alienation it makes me wonder if I would be as alone as I am now if I had grown up in the late 70s and early 80s. I mean these punks know more about the world than any of this mainstream po(o)p artists. These punks are my kind of people. They know how messed up this world actually is.

[Azzdog]

I’m so sick of being a nobody. I want to be a somebody. But I am a nobody. An irrelevant stain on society.

Some of us are destined to live alone. That will be me. I hate all of humanity. Humans suck. Women suck. I suck.

[Azzdog]

Woohoo! Live is awful! Can we give it up to me? “The loser from loser ville”!! I hate myself and think I deserve to spend eternity in Hades!! 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

[smallwolf]

An interesting statement there Azzdog.... on being a nobody and not a somebody.

To me a somebody is a person in the spotlight, somebody famous, a celebrity. I was reading a article yesterday about perfectionism and part of the article was about how social media these days the makes is strive for the best, perfect, successful. For the author it made her sick. Towards the ends of the article the author found peace in being the average. There were some things she was good at, and others no so. Accepting what we can and cannot do ...

To switch it 180... you are a somebody; a person who is smart enough not to drink, has an intense interest in music, politics and history. You can play an instrument. Not everyone can do that!

Breathe In..... Breathe Out..... (x10)

Peace and blessings,

Tim