Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

Hey everyone, sorry for the late reply.

I thought I'd give an update to you all.

I have just been through two very awful weeks. I was struggling immensely and did not have the strength to respond here. I was worried it would come across too strongly if I was too.

To answer your question Tim, I don't discount the other forms of love at all. What I am referring to is romantic love. It is something society does indeed take for granted and frankly I'm sick of it. I have no time for it whatsoever and I am not into trends or contemporary society at all.

I am also not willing to accept this stage of life will be the same forever. I am doing what I can at the moment to make changes.

Mitch, I hope you are doing well. I have decided to move away from my old friends because they just don't get this. One of them accused me of not having perspective despite going into hospital for the seventh time in 12 months. It is just not good enough from a close friend.

People don't understand how hard it is today. That's the idea I have gotten over the past year using the public mental health service. It is not understood properly.

However, I do have some good news. One of my friends has tried to set me up with someone. We haven't met yet but we are corresponding over Facebook. So far its been pretty good. We have a bit of banter going on so hopefully that goes well. I am not getting ahead of myself and I am trying to keep it level. I'll let you know how it goes.

I am sorry for my lack of responding, but I do plan to try to be more active again.

[Azzdog]

I no longer have hope. There is no hope for an ugly, boring person like me. I want to die.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Azzdog, 

We are sorry to hear that you feel like there is no hope left for you. Please know that we truly value you being part of the online community and are here to support you as much as you need.

Our Support Service is trying to reach you via email as we are worried about you. 

We'd love for you to check back in with us and let us know how you're going when you feel up to it. 

[smallwolf]

Hey 😞

Let me echo the sentiments and statements from Sophie.

I don't really know what to say that might "help". But I can be a companion, sitting with you in this space. From all the things you have said previously I am sure you have many reasons to continue. You mentioned the master's degree, the board games club etc. Listen to some music?

What works for you?

Still listening.

Tim

[PamelaR]

Hi Azzdog

Here for you when you want to reach out.I too echo Sophie and Tim sentiments and statements.

Music is awesome. Have you written any lately? How's the study going?

Listening too.

PamelaR

[Azzdog]

Hey thanks for checking up on me.

I have had a rough couple of weeks. It has been a real struggle. I have written some new music of late and I start placement for my masters next, which I'm a bit nervous about. I haven't done something like this before.

I do feel really down. I feel like I don't have a lot of people in my life who understand what its like. I had someone close to me recently say I need "perspective". He doesn't really value mental health as legitimate.

I almost went to hospital yesterday, but didn't. My psych and I both agreed it wouldn't be good in the long run.

It's really tough at the moment, trying to find reasons to live. In some ways I feel like I'm running out of reasons at the moment.

[PamelaR]

Hi Azzdog

It's hard to imagine what it would be like living life with autism. I have many friends who’s children live with it. All their lives are affected. It’s not easy, especially as one gets older. You are doing brilliantly though.

I’d be super anxious, but also excited about going and doing my masters placement next week. The thing is, doing all those things you know how to do to manage your anxiety. You’ve got lots of things in your tool box to help I’m sure.

Listening to you Azzdog. Wishing you the best for next week’s placement. Let us know how it goes.


Kind regards
PamelaR

[Azzdog]

Thanks for replying Pamela,

I hope placement goes well. All of a sudden I’m now responsible for young kids now in year 7. It’s pretty overwhelming because I’m not the best at looking after myself. I’m good at helping others with their problems, but not myself.

I’m still wrestling with the idea that I will die alone. I can’t see it changing. I’m not sure what else I have to offer this world. I feel like I’ve given everything and yet I’ve been constantly rejected at every turn. I’m not sure how long I’ve got to go. Thinking of the end is the only thing keeping me from losing my sanity.

[Azzdog]

There are no body image/sexual health groups in Victoria. As far as I'm concerned, I'm on my own. Everyone I know is in a relationship and no matter what I do I just get rejected time and time again. I don't want to live on this planet anymore if everyone is allowed to be in a relationship and I am not. It's disgusting that I am denied that. I have done nothing wrong to offend anyone and yet I am treated by women like I'm vermin, a disgusting creature that spreads disease. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[HamSolo01]

Hey Aaron

Sorry I've been somewhat off the grid of late. Trying to limit my screen time. Can only do so much can't we lol?

Firstly, to your most recent post. You are not vermin. You are not a creature that spreads disease. It seems as if you've snagged the line of a negative spell. That happens my man. I've just got past one in fact.

I often think of what the best way to counter act it is. I've figured out that the best way to solve it is to figure out what has to be done. What's the priority and what's the main concern atm? For me? It was complete TESOL and then try to get a job with it.

I'm. Not sure what it is you need to do for yourself. You mentioned you're doing prac atthe school? Focus on that. Remember you have power haha. As a prac teacher you are younger and instantly more capable of earning their respect. Focus on the career you got ahead of you mate.

I had an interesting discussion this evening when I was out about this stuff. The rule or lesson? Just gotta focus on you and live for you and watch what happens. Put in some effort and make sure you do what's best for you. Don't please others. You have to do what's right by you.

You sound like you are on a good track career wise