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Seperation after 15+yrs, and 4 children

Community Member
Hi all
In Jan this year i found msgs between my husband and one of his work colleagues. Once confronted he said it had stayed as a friendship and crossed the line for about 2.5mths, and she ended up kissing him and he decided that irs not what he wanted to do.... he wanted to fix things at home. The msgs i read seemed to support this but there had been ones that had been deleted. Anyway, a week later, he moved into a little unit to sort this head out. He claimed he just couldn't get over what he had let happen and done to me as he was the most in love and happiest he's ever been with me. So we started as seperated but not broken up....then he said he just couldnt see past it, then he could,then he couldnt. Then it was he couldn't unblur the line with her as he still had to have alot of contaxt with her for work.....throughout the last 4mths he's been flat out lying to me, sleeping with me still and making out like we possibly had a chance. Then i got phone records and even after him telling me they onky have contact for work purposes, the phone records told a completely different story. And he still tried to pass that off as only worl and him telling her he couldn't be with her. He then ended up moving 45mins away, still telling me she's not in the picture, we slept together the night before he started applying for all these houses! And i had heard she was moving to the same place he coincidentally was trying to get a house. Anyway he moved, and i found out she's actuslly staying there with him when she doesn't have her child and our kids aren't there!! Why lie!! Anyway, I'm heartbroken and so sad all the time. I've stayed seeing a counsellor and she was great. But its at night i have the most trouble i just csnt get the thought of them being together out of my head. How coukd he do that, did 15yrs mean nothing...... I'm stuck in or family home at this stage, its taking its toll. But our 17yr old is mid way through yr12 so we can't really move atm. I just feel stuck.... and unable to move past the feeling of wanting him to be with me and i hate it. I know time will help, but.... it's really hard.
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Yes it is hard, Ive been there like many here have.

Just like grief, it is limited what you can do. Some ideas are distraction based. Keep your mind busy with other things like talking to friends on the phone, jigsaws, crosswords, hobbies etc time is the best healer.

Deceit is the hardest part. You might have to play hardball - apply for child support and distance yourself emotionally.

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the best praise you’ll ever get


Community Member

As Tony (WK) has said, there is little that you can do. You will have to ride the emotional rollercoaster; eventually you will come to terms with the betrayal. It won't be easy.

In the meantime, you have to start thinking about what you want for you and your children. You might want to get some legal advice about your options - you have options even if you were a stay at home parent.

As to your question, "did 15yrs mean nothing"; let me know if you find the answer. After 30 years of marriage, I am asking the same question.

If you have any questions, just ask!