Separation after an affair, how do you get over it?

[Liv2828]

Hello,

I have never posted on any kind of forum before but hey extreme circumstances! I found out a month ago my husband of 8 years was having an affair. The affair started when I was 8 months pregnant and lasted for around 10 months. He works away so it was very easy for him to get away with. He told me he has been unhappy in our marriage although this was a complete surprise to me. I have been raising our bub on my own with no family support as he works away and we live away from our home town. We are now going through a separation and I will move back home with bub. I just don’t know how to get over this. The level of betrayal is just staggering and I just can’t get my head around what he has done. I moved my entire life for him and have been looking after our home and bub by myself so I just can’t believe he has done this to me. How on earth do you move on and heal from this. I feel so devastated and at times it is so overwhelming I feel like I can’t breathe. Any tips from anyone who has been through similar?

Thank you so much

[geoff]

Hello Liv, and a warm welcome to the site.

I'm so sorry that this has happened because it breaks any trust as well as any security that you once believed you had in your marriage.

There will be many questions going through your mind, but no answers and the more severe this betrayal has been, the more difficult it will be to save the marriage.

For him to have this affair when you were almost ready to give birth is appalling and disrespectful and it maybe causing you to question what has gone wrong, well it's not you that you should blame, it's your husband who has wondering eyes and possibly a reason why he says he's not happy.

This has been a traumatic experience but it’s still possible for you to recover and regain your strength, but you may need to do this with a counsellor to rebuild your life once again.

One problem is that you're not sure how long this has been happening and the only way to recover from this is to consider raising your child by yourself with him making payments, I only say this because you don't know whether you could trust him again.

You maybe scared to let him back in again, although you're going through separation but how can you trust his integrity again because it always seems to continue and this will be a sticking point for you.

Can I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor as well as talk with the mother's who have new babies, some of them maybe suffering themselves and would really like to talk to someone who will listen?

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[IsaJett]

Hi liv

welcome and I’m glad u wrote ...there is life after divorce . Although u don’t see it now . He had an affair too and I was harrassed by the mistress..good grief . We were together 24 years married 14 years ...so yes life definitely is possible after that . It’s been two years and I Am a much happier person ...kind of wish I did it sooner ...lol ....trust me ...you will smile again ..you will love again. You will do all the fun stuff again , Go with the flow and know that there’s always a silver lining . I too gave up my life for him ...and I have a 13 year old son with him and now lives with me full time .

we are so strong and we r better off without people like that .let it go ...let all that pain go ...i I would grab a black helium balloon ...released it along with all your anger ...let it all just float away. I know it’s hard but you are the only that can release the pain ...feel free to cry and all....but you definitely can release the pain so that you don’t have to suffer anymore ..by simply chanting it ...well that’s what I did anyways ...cos I was ruminating in the hurt ..I kind of did the hard way and I hope you believe me when I say ..you can tweak your mind so that it doesn’t hurt as much ...and it has worked for me . You don’t have to hate him either as he Will also be around because of your child ...so it’s crucial u let that pain and anger go ..this moment . I had a rubber band on my wrist and tug it to remind me that I was causing myself pain ...when I let my mind wander over there...

try hot yoga too ....it really helped me

remember sweetie ...it will get better ...it is already starting to get better ...u have to allow yourself to get better ...give yourself the permission ..to move on ...often people don’t give themselves that permission ...welcome to the PRESENT moment of healing and recovery .

have a lovely weekend ...and go get yourself a milkshake and soak up some sun

keep smiling 🙂

[Rod_NR93]

Hi Liv

Not sure if I can give any advice but your post comforted me in a way. I have been on my own now for two years since separating from my wife. She didn't have an affair but she betrayed my trust in other ways that destroyed me that were as devastating as her having an affair.

Two years on and here I am, in my own new home and getting by. There are many times I now smile and times still when the pain is still extreme.

I said I was comforted by what I read. What you write about what you are experiencing is very similar to what I felt and sometimes still feel. I now know I am not the only one who feels this. Thank you for sharing.