Separated, not by choice but now willing to move on.

[Mr K]

Hi,

Earlier this year I separated from my wife of 11 years, we have 2 kids 5 & 9 and have 50/50 care of the same.

Although the separation wasn't my idea and something that at the time almost broke me I've rediscovered myself and in hindsight realised just how restrictive/abusive my past relationship had been.

What I want to know is, what is considered an appropriate timeframe to begin a new relationship? Are there any pitfalls to this I might not be aware of? What does society think? when and how do you introduce your kids/ family and or ex partner to your new partner? Are there any other implications?

I want to be happy and share my life with somebody as well as the special and precious time I spend with my kiddos. After a unloving marriage of many years ended a new life began.

Thoughts?

[Ggrand]

Hello Mr K,

After such an unloving marriage for many years it nice to hear you’re moving on with your life...

I don’t think that their is an appropriate timeframe to begin a new relationship, If you find someone that you consider nice and want to form a relationship..why not?...because we can’t predict when we will find a person to love and them to love us..It could be the following month after divorce or it could be years in finding someone that we can care for and hopefully eventually love....We cannot choose a timeframe..so if you find that special person..just go ahead and start to get to know them....Don’t be concerned with society....please Mr K be gentle and kind to you and follow your heart...

I am not sure about the time to introduce new partner to your children etc...I think you would know in your heart the right to do this...It’s something that you will need to be completely open and honest about with your new partner/friend....Speaking to your children and involving them with your new partner when they are in your care..ie maybe trips to the park together, picnics, simple things so your children get to know your new friend/ partner....

Not sure if I’ve helped at all...but I wanted to try..because everyone deserves to share their life and be happy...

My kind thoughts with care...

Grandy..

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Mr K,

Of course you are free to embark on any relationships once legally separated from your wife - but it would be prudent to finalise every last detail before branching out again (the stresses of separation may create some false notions of what you think you want in future).

I see you are considerate to the feelings and reactions of your children, and you are wise to be concerned - their mother will always be number one (as equal with you, I trust) and there is no reason they should like or even approve of who you spend time with.

But, at some stage, an introduction will be necessary. I'd recommend something very informal and much fun (carnival, sport, amusements etc) where your new love is merely a 'participant' in the activity. You will find the questions following from your inquisitive (and always perceptive) children will arise when they are ready - that is your cue to start the gradual process (without ever suggesting anything about a 'replacement') of having someone special in your life.

What society thinks is not your concern - they will think what they think regardless.

Regards,

t.