scared that there's no hope and got no one to turn to.

kiss_revenge · ‎08-02-2015

I usually don't open up about the things that concern me and usually keeps my problems to myself but I feel like I'm holding too much inside me now and it's getting to the point where it's becoming too much for me. I starting feeling depressed about 3-3 and a half years ago and really started to wonder what was the point in going on anymore. I've always been a quiet guy who's keep to myself but as I've got to be a little older I really am struggling to see the purpose in life. I've always prided myself on being a good guy and unselfish, but everything I seem to do in life always seems to be the wrong choice.

I'm 30 years old now and I've sort of let life go by in the past few years where I'm a the point of hating my job, having no partner and really

losing interest in life. I felt at my worse about this time 3 years ago and I really started to consider ending it. I wanted a career change, someone to love and start to enjoy life but everything I did up to that point didn't go right. I met someone around this time who was also going through a difficult part in her life. She saw I was struggling and offered to help me. And through the two of us going through this terrible parts in our lives we actually became really close friends. We became really close and I helped me a lot to start having a purpose to life and I felt I was an important part of her life too. We were so close that we became the closest of friends and it was so important to me at the time that she was there with me and we were that close. unfortunately when and a guy and women become that close it goes even further. It ended up becoming more than just friends, but at the time it felt so right and we both chose that. We found each in difficult times but it was always complicated and could never be the true romance straight away. As time went on she decided she didn't want to go down that path because she said that when she's with me it reminded her of her worse time in her life and didn't want to be with me because if this terrible thing never happened to her then we would never have been. So it was life she was taking a positive out of something bad that happened to her. Which I totally understand. But unfortunately I ended up experiencing the true romance of falling in love with my best friend. She wanted to still be friends but since has started dating someone else. She says she wants to date someone that doesn't know what she went through and wasn't a part of that part of her life.

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White_Rose · ‎09-02-2015

Dear Kiss

Hello and welcome. Break-ups are always sad no matter the cause. It seems one or will be really hurt and that will last for a little while. I think that's one of the reason when people meet in support groups for different addictions etc they are encouraged to NOT form relationships with each other.

But now you are faced with disappointment and no one of significance in your life. It's time to start again but the question is, how do you do this?

Well the first step is to see your doctor about your depression. If you are already doing this then go and have a chat about the latest developments. No they can't mend your broken heart but they may be able to help find ways of coping. Or your doctor may suggest you see a counsellor of some sort.

This clearly up to you and your GP. But think about it. Even if it is only for a short time it could help you get back on your feet.

While you are thinking this over, also think about the activities you enjoyed doing and start them again. Or go for something completely different. Changing jobs at this stage is probably not the best option. You need a secure background while you go through this time.

I appreciate that your body is saying do nothing, but it will not help you recover. Even small things like going for walk before work every morning can make you feel good. Exercise is always good for depression.

I will stop here and leave you to think about my suggestions. Please write in again.

Mary

kiss_revenge · ‎09-02-2015

I think the mistake I made was that I didn't deal with the problem at the time and let something make me happy. But deep down the real problem still existed. And since then I've argued too much with this person and as a resulted has affected our friendship to the point I'm not taking to her at the moment and don't know if I will again. I care about this person so much but I fell for her and don't know if I can just be friends. I want to get better but I'm a bit lost with what to do. As a result it's affected the way I think and my attitude towards other things in my life. I'm hating my job, my life outside of work and my attitude towards possibly being close to someone else because I'm scared of being hurt again. I really do appreciate the help and support but it's really difficult to think straight right now.

Doolhof · ‎09-02-2015

Dear Kiss,

HI. Relationships can sometimes be difficult to understand. I am sorry to read that you fell in love with this lady and now she has decided to leave. It is not easy to stay friends with someone whom you have known intimately.

I agree with White Rose that it may be an advantage for you to go and see your Dr and talk about your depression and ask for strategies to overcome it before it develops into something more lasting.

I too think it would be beneficial for you to think about things that you used to enjoy and participate in them again. Or think about new activities you might like to try.

Have you ever played any sport? Could you volunteer to help out at a junior's sporting club or find some other kind of worthwhile volunteer work to do on a weekend now and then. Might boost your self esteem.

It is great you have opened up and have been able to share your story here. Sometimes just getting your thoughts and feelings out of you mind can be very helpful.

Please consider using the Beyond Blue phone help line or the Webchat if you ever feel too depressed and don't know what to do to help yourself.

I hope you can find some answers to the meaning of life and find purpose and direction.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools