Sad, feeling hopeless
Hi there Raphikus
Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.
I’m sensing here that the big issue is with regard to your son. Are there appropriate arrangements in place for you to see him or is it at the discretion of your ex? The way you’ve worded it, it sounds like it’s not a common event that you see him; which would be making things very difficult for you.
It is pleasing to hear that you’ve got a girlfriend and I hope that she is supportive and a great partner for you.
Do you think that the option for seeing your son more often may be a big plus/positive for you in moving forward?
It must be very hard to be separated from your child.
You have identified yourself as grieving and that is probably correct. When we lose anything significant in life it involves a certain amount of grieving. For some people if they become stuck in the grieving process it can lead to depression. It might be worth going along and speaking to your doctor if you think this may be the case with you.
There is a very good book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler called "On Grief and Grieving" which can help to understand the grieving process. Understanding what is happening to you can help you to deal with it.
If you can not see your son very often is there another way you can connect with him on a regular basis? Maybe send him a little card or present just to let him know that you are there still caring for him.
Hope you find a way to start enjoying your life again.
dear Raphikus, thanks for joining the site.
Not being able to see your son is a huge problem here, and the arrangement with your ex doesn't seem to favour you, so can I ask how old he is.
Sometimes when we are in a lull, that is not feeling the best, heading towards depression or perhaps insecurity, we hope that by having another relationship will bring a spark to us, and maybe it does for a short time, but then we feel as though it's not enough to satisfy our needs, because of your son, job and all the rest that you have lost, so we end up back to where we were.
It would be a good idea to see your doctor who maybe able to give you some medication which will lessen on how sad you are at the moment.
Look forward to hearing back from you. Geoff.
Four years old is a great age isn't it. It sounds good that you are seeing him twice a month. Some children may not see that much of their fathers even if they live in the same house especially if he works long hours or away from home for long periods of time. I do not understand why it would be at the discretion of your ex. Is it not possible to negotiate shared custody so that you have more time with him especially while you are out of work?
I am wondering after reading your first post again if you were already feeling depressed before you split with your EX. You do describe yourself as having been in a gutter/void/hole. To me this sounds like someone who is describing being depressed although I am not an expert only a fellow struggler.
You do not really need courage to go and see a doctor. From my experience as a fellow struggler doctors are generally helpful. If you would like to talk this through with someone with more experience you could call the BB hotline or try the chat.