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Sad, disappointed and heartbroken.

Milly21
Community Member

I'm feeling really lonely and sad right now. I thought I was coping well after the loss of my dearest most precious person to me, my grandma. It's been 9mths and Clearly after watching an old family video with her in it, i felt incredibly emotional and so sad. My heart just aches missing her and so badly want to swing around to visit her Like i use to weekly. She was such a big part of my life. I have not been able to feel her spirit or celebrate what should be a blessing that i had. I just feel she is gone and my life is different. I've got a wonderful loving family of my own and we are doing well. However i feel empty and incomplete. I did not imagine life without my grandma despite knowing she can't live forever. I've been focusing on bonding and spending as much time as i can with my own family. I reached out to some friends leaving myself vulnerable. I got little response. If any. It saddens me even more how busy people are in this world. Mind you i am a person who devoted much of my time for others and i'd aways make time for these people. now i feel so disappointed and hurt when i need support and love that noone seems to care at all. It leaves me to feel this world is heartless and so cold. I thought I had friends an people who cared about me telling me to contact them anytime and so forth and when i do... where are they? It seems superficial and ungenuine. I can't just go out and make new friends in a click. So many things i am feeling right now. No clue what is happening and how to manage or cope with this situation.

2 Replies 2

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Milly, welcome to the forum hun. I am so sorry for your loss. Grandmas are very special people. I lost mine many years ago and still miss her so much.

It doesn't seem like it now, while the grief is raw, but there will come a time when it eases and you'll be able to think of your Grandma without hurting so much. You will remember her love and great influence in your life fondly. I do believe that our most loved people never really leave us, we just can't see them anymore. They truly do live on in our hearts and minds. But it takes time to get to that feeling.

Something that I realised many years after my Nanna died - I wasn't the only one grieving for her. Now that might seem obvious but at the time mine was the only grief I thought about and in doing that I think I missed an opportunity to share how I was feeling with other family members who were feeling it too, especially my mum and aunties.

Can you share this, in an open and honest way, with your family? Support them and let them support you? I know that's not always easy and it depends on everyone's way of dealing with grief - my dad for example was the 'strong silent type' and very hard to have a conversation with about emotional things. But if you can, there's a good chance someone else is feeling like you are and will welcome the chance to talk.

Also hun, while grief is a natural, even healthy, part of life, it can lead to other less healthy things like depression, isolation etc. That's where a good grief counsellor can help. Have you thought about seeing one? I really recommend it.

My very best wishes to you Milly and I hope you'll stay with us. Sometimes even just getting thoughts and feelings out of our minds and into the open helps. And we're here, whenever you need us.

Kaz

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Milly

Hello and welcome to BB. I too am sorry you have lost someone dear to you. I was very young when both sets of grandparents died so I did not feel the same as you. When my mom died it was a very different matter. Even months afterwards I would cry for no apparent reason.

Kaz has has written one of her wonderful replies and there is little I can add. I do want to reiterate that grief is a natural outcome after losing someone you love very much. You did love her and still do. That's very precious. I have found that looking at photographs can both bring tears and more importantly, can bring a smile as you remember the times you had together. Kaz has suggested talking to others who feel this loss and I agree. Start to talk about your grandma, share photos and funny stories. Yes it may hurt a bit but it will share the love you all had for grandma and make her presence real.

I read once, You are not really dead until everyone has forgotten you. So keep Grandma's memory alive, remember the advice she gave you, the shared jokes, how she taught you to live by her example. This truly is comforting.

The rawness will heal. You will never forget her and she has left you a legacy of a beautiful lady. Smile when you can. weep when you must, but know you are healing all the time.

As Kaz has suggested, sometimes talking to a grief counsellor can help. In the meantime keep writing here and tell us your stories of Grandma.

Mary