Relationship Worries

[Eeyore11]

Hey guys,

My partner and I have been together about 3 years, we bought a house together (with my deposit) about 15 months ago. But about 3 months ago we both started having mental health issues and its really taken its toll on our relationship. I dont feel the same towards him, but he has never physically hurt me or anything, or ever would. When we started seeing each other we made it clear that we didn't want to be in a relationship, friends with benefits was perfect for us at the time. Things progressed from there and I eventually told him i loved him after about 12 months of sleeping together.

We're currently on "a break" because i really don't know what i want out of my life right now. I am trying to better myself mentally, with medication and psychology appointments. I have become interested in another man however. I feel almost obsessed with him and can't stop thinking about him. My current partner and i both don't want kids or to get married (so I thought i didn't anyway) but after spending time with this other man, ive reconsidered things like kids and marriage.

This whole situation is so hard to deal with. My thoughts of leaving my current partner are making me so stressed out. I cant help but feel guilty that im going to break his heart and he would have to move out. Theres no hard feelings between us and i would wait for him to find somewhere to live, I would never just kick him out. But what if leaving my current partner was the worst decision I've ever made? But what am I missing out on if I dont start something with this new guy.

Im absolutely lost. Has anyone ever found themselves in a similar situation and have any guidance for me please? Would appreciate any advice.

Thanks x

[Emmen]

Hello Eeyore11,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.

It sounds like you're very conflicted right now. Regardless of how your relationship with your current partner started, both of you appear to have committed to a relationship after the 12 months.

I'd like you to ponder over a few things:

1. Have your feelings towards your partner changed since the mental health issues started, or was it long coming (based on past events)?
2. What does this new man have to offer that makes you reconsider kids and marriage? Conversely, what does your current partner lack and did he always lack this?

The reason I ask you these is because mental health issues can cast a shadow over even the best of things. Before you decide to leave your current partner, I would like you to take the time to ensure that your decision is based not on the current difficult situation you're both dealing with.

There is also the fact that your current relationship is progressing, and naturally, some cracks will appear. The new relationship you are about to begin is still fresh, you haven't had a chance to see the cracks develop yet. Thinking about what this new man has that your partner lacks can (hopefully) force you to consider what is important to you in a relationship and help you make a decision as to whether your partner is right for you.

Ultimately the decision is yours, and if you feel that it's time to end the current relationship, you should do it. If you're uncertain, there's no harm taking time to think through this. After all, you're both on a break, and it's a good time for you to think things over.

Take care,
M

[Guest_3256]

Good afternoon and welcome.

I imagine that you are going through a really tough time and that it must be very confusing and emotionally challenging. Have you heard of the saying "the grass is greener on the other side?" If you do some internet research, you will find a lot of people in a similar situation. People will say that it's totally fine to experience these feeling to be with other people, however, it's the total opposite. You relationship is not a dust-bin. You are a good person who deserve nothing more than your partner and they deserve you. Looking for other options is not going to make you feel better or happier. You are the only one who can do this. Your partner can also make you happy but it's your responsibility to take care of yourself. You really need to look after each other, especially if you want to grow old with him. When someone is looking for alternatives, it may be that you have something inside you that feel your partner does not fill. That's not going to be filled by searching for someone else because it will back-fire. Learn to be happy with what you have and work on improving that. Water your own grass, grow it the way you want to but please think about this long and hard before jumping ship. And look, if' its because you find this person better looking than your partner, please seek professional help before something terrible happens. You deserve each other, he is your soul mate, you lover, you best friend and your partner. Give yourself the compassion that you deserve because you are better than you think.

I really wish you and your partner a happy and prosperous life. Grow old together.