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Relationship with my mum is bad

Community Member

My mum and I have a very up and down relationship, sometimes she’s amazing and we get along and then other times we’re screaming at eachother and I feel like I hate her. She works from home and it’s so frustrating trying to tiptoe around her, she works on the dining table and for literally 3 years I’ve been telling her to put a desk in her room because she screams and tells people to shut up whenever they try use the kitchen or lounge room. It’s so annoying. She always makes excuses though like her rooms too messy which it is, absolutely disgusting clothes piled up that if I threw out she probably wouldn’t even realise or miss, she always has food packets everywhere, spilt drinks on the table and never cleaned, she’s literally as bad as a kid if not worse…… my dad only makes his side of the bed and his side of the room is clean. He is also sick of it. 

My mum has been really annoying me. It’s gotten to the point where everything my mum does, makes and cringe, makes me angry and annoyed. She could sneeze and it would make me angry……. I don’t know why I feel this way. The other day I was making myself dinner and she walked passed and burped and I got angry and was like wtf can you not, and she instantly just said “f off, if you think I’m disgusting move out”. This is her go to. Today I asked her to move her car from behind mine because she parked diagonally on the drive way and I asked her not to park like that and again she told me to “f off move out if you don’t like the way I do things”. I can’t communicate anything to her without her saying “I’m such a bad mum aren’t I” “that’s just the way I am deal with it”. 

I am confused. I’m not saying she’s a horrible mum, she literally does everything for me, gives me money, picks me up after nights out, respects my privacy ect. So I feel like I’m overreacting when these situations happen. 


once we were in public and she screamed at me and everyone looked. I was super embarrassed and I spoke to her the day after and I told her I didn’t like the way she spoke to me, I tried so hard to calmly communicate with her and she told me that she didn’t remember and why should she be sorry for something she can’t remember or apparently to her didn’t even happen………. 

she’s a good mum, but she also brings out the biggest rage and anger inside of me. I am confused about our relationship. 

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Rose, although your mum picks you up late in the night, it seems as though she might be trying to ask you to leave, do you feel like this, because having to live with all of this going on must be very difficult.


Life Member.

Community Member

Im 21, a full time uni student and I can’t afford to leave home just yet. She hasn’t asked me to move out or when I will, she only ever used “move out” as a defence when she’s telling me to “f off”.  It’s not like im just freeloading, I am the only one who cleans the whole house, mops, dishes walks dogs and does everyones laundry, I also occasionally cook dinner and once or twice a week grocery shop. So I feel like I’m ok living at home and trying not to freeload. It’s just her, my dad even says to me he try’s to talk to her and she does nothing but get defensive. 

I needed to rant, I cried at work tonight because we had a fight before I left about her blocking my car which wasn’t meant to even be a fight she turned it into one. Im just confused I don’t even know how to word the way I feel properly? I just don’t understand her   sometimes. I get so angry and upset when I try to communicate with her because nothing good ever comes from it. 

Dear Rose.8
It’s great to hear from you and thank you for sharing; as we always like to remind our community, this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
We can hear you are trying your very best to manage what seems like a difficult situation at home.  Relationships can be particularly difficult to navigate, particularly the parent/child relationships!; you are moving towards independence; your Mum is still pulling you up on those flaws and sadly not acknowledging the contribution you are making each day.  We thought it might be helpful to include a resource below for you, just for some perspective on what you are going through:
Relationships Australia

If you ever feel like you want to talk (even to vent!) to one our lovely counsellors, they are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here 
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. Please keep in touch and keep us updated, and remember you are not alone on this journey.
Sophie M