Relationship with my mother hindering my mental health recovery

[Lost88]

Im not here to bag my mother. She does do and has done alot for me and we have been through alot.

However, she can be very negative towards me in the things she says and i feel as though shes sometimes hindering my recovery. I feel like im slowly getting my life together one small step at a time and then we talk and she sends me back a few steps. I feel as though i need a break from her in my life so that i can get myself together so that i can be strong enough to take it and not let it get me down.

I feel terrible about this because she is my mum and time is precious with those we love so i dont want to waste it, but maybe i need some time so we can be better and get on with our lives.

Does anyone else have this kind of problem? Think this is a good idea? Have any other ideas?

I have tried to talking to her but she gets offended, it turns into an argument and she doesnt change.

Im so close to being better, i dont want to go back to that dark place i have been so many times before!

Any advice welcome and appreciated. Thanks in advance!

[Summer_Soul]

Good on you for coming so far. Sounds like your mother doesn't quite understand or you wouldn't be getting so much negative from her. I have recently eliminated contact with some family members and it's the best thing I've done for myself. The guilt does go away after a while. You are looking after yourself. .you're important. If they don't understand this then that's their problem. When you are strong enough and ready, you could explain things to your mother then. If nothing's changed, then at least you'll be stronger and able to get through it all easier. Hope this has helped.

All the best

[geoff]

hello, you and your mum may have 2 different solutions to one particular issue which you may not agree on, and how often does this happen between a parent and their son or daughter, countless times, so who is right, depends on the situation, but if that's what you have decided on, then do it, the only way we learn is to experience life, let your mum have her say, but let it go from ear to the other, that always happens when we are nagged.
It will be difficult for your mum to change her mind, until you can prove her to be wrong, and that's the strength you need to keep improving and that's a good reason how to overcome this depression is to be positive.
If you feel as though you need a break because of what you may fear could happen, then absolutely have a time away, it's more important that you don't fall back, because we all know that's a terrible place to be.
This doesn't mean that you don't love your mum and when you come back be strong and confident, that's what depression doesn't like at all. Geoff. x

[white knight]

Great replies by summer soul and Geoff.

When people ask me about my mother l state-"she has been a good nurturer...its the bad side l cant live with"

The ideal thing for you to do is drift. I know it will be hard but you simply must accept that you will never get her approval/support in some areas.

Tony WK

[topsy_]

Hi Lost88

My mum wasn't even a good nurturer. She was cruel, unloving & abusive in the extreme. All I ever wanted was for her to love me. 20 years ago (I was 40 then) I cut off contact with both my parents. This made life markedly better & I have become more & more stable & well with each passing year.

My advice to you is to do whatever is best for you. It's not being selfish, it's self-preservation.

Cheers, Lyn.

[white knight]

Hi Lyn

Quote "My advice to you is to do whatever is best for you. It's not being selfish, it's self-preservation"

Top comment for extreme cases.

I read about my toxic mother when l googled "waif, hermit, witch, queen". My mother was all 4 personalities and would switch from one to another.

Like you, every passing year becomes more relaxing.

My mother ruined my first wedding in 1985. In 2011 my second wedding was approaching and I'd stopped seeing my mother due to yet another rift. She told my daughter she was going to turn up on the day. I had to get an avo. The judge was surprised l had to go to that length on a 79yo woman.

Some people have no idea how a little old lady can damage their children. The avo was granted, we had a great wedding.

I control my own life now.

Tony WK