Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Yeah , l know. Amazing though isn't it as you say so different yet, same effect- outcome.

More ironic bc l promised myself if l went back up to hers next l'd be the bf l know l wasn't being , exactly as you said, l'd try being all in. Maybe it'd help her well , not only have a proper bf but finally feel secure enough to hang in.

But l probably would've been bitten too, usually was anytime l'd tried it b4.

So sorry about that cm , remember it all such a kick in the guts and at a time like that.

Big hug.

[CMF]

It's all good rx 

The real kick in the guts was after the 6 months we had.  He came back, more interested & intense than he was in 5 years. Saying things he didn't say in 5 years...but still wanted to keep his options open. Seriously? Needs to get over himself haha.

Bigger hugs to you 🤗 

[randomxx]

Thx for that.

And yeah l know . lt's surreal that they were so different yet she did this thing yesterday which is basically the same thing and same effect on me, she's done since day one. ln most ways she was the most loving woman you'll ever find full of nice words and affection, do anything for you.

But then she'd just come out with something that killed it all right there, just the way m did.

Early in she was often really hurt that l thought she was fake sometimes but bc of acting the way she would but then just turning around and coming out with these lines that she'd do sometimes, made it all a total contradiction. Main reason l could never trust her or her love, drop my guard or be all in.

And she could be so full of all this love, but just turn round v next day and start saying she couldn't be in a relationship again.

Yet l left her once in Sydney for doing it, packed the car went home, few wks later though she'd just do it again.

She still can't put it together, just yesterday she was all emotional and v sad and still all lovey in some messages, v next one she turned round and just said one of her lines yet again. Gobsmacked.

Made my mind up right there yet again yesterday.

For some maddening reason she can't even put together the effect of what she's doing acting contradicting  . lt's literally a love killer , told her that too.

[randomxx]

Anyway

l'm backing this messaging still in contact stuff off . Same old pattern not going there again.

[CMF]

I'm sorry my friend that this too has ended this way. I do think you've done the right thing otherwise we get stuck in this loop where they don't want to be with us but they don't want to let us go either.  It's like they realise they miss/want us but when they see us they realise they don't & the circle continues.

It will take a few months but you know you'll move past this. I finally have. After all the anger i feel great now. Better than I have in a long time. I want this for you too my friend.

Hugs

[randomxx]

Ah thku so much for those words cm , they mean a lot.

l was very sad for your hurt too but also all through the relationship for the cm just  unable to come out and be her and real.

There's a huge difference lately you've come so far and good for you my friend it's nice to see cm again.

Our thing, man. l can not believe things she said wkend-again. lt's been a long time of late yet boom here it still was hovering inside that whole time and proving once again it'll never change.

lt's crazy but in the thread few mths back l said l can feel something well, this isn't nice as you know, not nice at all, but weirdly l fear someone is coming and l won't be ready. How mad is that buttt, it's just that l've been feeling something quite awhile now but after all this with gf now l know now it wasn't about her.

l've at least turned myself off servo girl though so that's a start.

TBH though, can't even think about any of that in reality, or of some moving on as such, ldk, l just feel more of a letting go thing l guess and maybe an acceptance there's no other way l suppose l could say but trying to avoid any deeper than that atm.

But it sure makes me think about other plans though and things going on in life you know- suddenly there's only you and your ideas to think about and modify to suit one instead of two

ldk, going in circles.

[randomxx]

Hugs cm.

[randomxx]

l've often thought these things she comes out with, like they aren't nasty as such or that type of thing or not some attacking rant or anything like that the wkend was only 3 or 4 words but that more maybe a little jab or something- to piss me off. Women do do this stuff when there's an undertone of resentment about something. She isn't that way at all normally last thing she;d want but it has often made me wonder if it's just a game at the time to p me off or what bc of something l've said or done which has sometimes been the case prior.

At any rate, just reading a thread and have many others too over the yrs but yet another break up bc of MH thread, which is what gf's thing always comes back to every time so it has def' seemed to be a very legitimate concern among other partners many times.

lt does make me feel a bit better at least in that it's not usually a love thing or an out of love l should say, she actually usually insists how much she does still love me and of how much it's hurting that she can't keep going.

ldk, might be crazy and it doesn't excuse other things like changing her mind or things she says every five minutes buttt, there is at least a kind of peace in the mh side of things and reasons maybe being real. there's always def' been mh things no doubt about that and that does cause all sorts of things for her within herself.

Just feeling l shouldn't be too hard on her about all this and l'm glad now that l wasn't.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I think that's really thoughtful of you & you're being considerate & sensitive toward her. You are right,  her mh has affected your relationship & she is being honest with you too. At least you understand how mh affects people, unlike M who had no idea. At times when my anxiety was highlighted felt I couldn't be with him, that I couldn't give & needed to be on my own. Having said all this I do think you can't keep going in circles. Maybe you need to be YOU & do what you want, make plans, focus just on your life. I'm loving it. It's part of the reason I was so peeved at him cosbi was in this good place before he came along & I told him that.  I told him that I was trusting him not to hurt me again. I'm so glad I cut him off but you have been firm & clear without being harsh. That's nice of you.

[CMF]

I can understand why this has been so difficult for you. She hasn't done anything wrong but the uncertainty & going in circles is too much. Unfortunately the circumstances haven't helped.