Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx 

I also like that we've been on this journey together. It's crazy how different but similar it's been. Even the time frame- 5 years. I also should have listened to myself years ago. The writing was on the wall.

Cmf

[randomxx]

Tbh cm, maybe too there just still seems so much frustration for you with m even though sis isn't in your face atm , it's still m just being m mostly.

But l can't talk , we could prob go on on that sort of some pt time or whatever you call it thing ourselves, l've thought about it .

Butttt, it's just not what l want and l'm sick of sydney and really struggle at her place and she won't be able to get down to mine much for quite awhile now and ra ra, it'd just be another shape of the same merry go round.

At any rate, unfortunately tHINK the universe has won this time.

When l was leaving last wk we were both wondering and l said well darlin you'll probably start getting all weird again anyway as soon as l get home andddd, what do ya know. Hasn't even been a wk and already she's too sick too stressed and all the usual bla bla.

Anyway , no surprises at my end l was basically just waiting for it and thinking if it does come and l knew it would then we're going to have to decide for real this time bc l can't put up with it any more and everything else looks unworkable  anyway.

Sooo, we've talked and decided to call it quits.

l've been feeling all mixed on one hand but on another actually relived as well l mean tbh l was basically calling it done to myself coming home last wk really bc l knew she'd flip in a few days again anyway and then add everything else into it on top of it well , wth could we even do anyway.

ldk , l do know l couldn't go on the way we have been any longer.

On another hand l've had little flutters of free floating in and out, but sadness too of course. l've missed her since l left but at the same time it's kind of been on a sort of part of level , the other part is all the bs and l wouldn't be missing that that is for sure.

Told my d last night and she says she's glad it was just too much crap and gf just never seems to run out of more and then yet more again.

She likes her but at the same time she reckons her stuff never ending is just ridiculous and way too much.

She says- Just imagine dado you'll be free now to meet some easy goin chick she'll be lay back she'll have money her own place she'll drive there'd be none of this bullshyt you've been going through with her for yrs it's crazy.

God it does feel like a dream compared that is for sure , if there was somebody else later on yeah she's bound to have something we all have but gf's, man , nothing gonna come close to that l'd be sure of that much.

[randomxx]

ldk. On the drive home l'm thinking and since, l'm just gonna go on with my plans this yr , something l've been thinking about a few yrs now especially if things with gf didn't work out.

But yeah , will probably start preparing to move out of here later on in the yr and go travelling for awhile.

No property or women to worry about for awhile. Well l'll probably still have my cabin but thats part of my income and looks after itself this place will be of my hands though and along with all the other trappings . Some freedom for awhile is looking pretty damn nice right now.

[CMF]

Sounds like a good plan. Focus onyou. Get a fresh start.

[randomxx]

Yeah , maybe.

lt's not that l'm materialistic in a relationship sense or life either for that matter and my d isn't either. l crave simplicity actually , as minimalist as poss. lt's just that all those things have been well , after her legal stuff anyway, all causes and effects of all her dramas and they're all still causing everything that'ss going on since for her.

And l'm not blaming her it hasn't even been her fault poor thing even all her legal stuff the ex caused all that made her life hell and where she's at now is the result of all that. Thing is though it's all been such a mess that it's made things near impossible for us too right through and just been constantly on going since we met and still is.

sO what my d was meaning is other words just someone in a normal place in life at this stage of life with things basically together yaknow. Must admit have thought about that 100 times myself too over the yrs do l wanna go on like this but anything even close to that and as l say through no fault of her own really but it is what it is, is still a long long way off for gf yet now.

Last yr it looked like it might even be v close , we were even thinking about taking of for awhile, but things have changed yet again and looking impossible now for at least another 3yrs. Couldn't go through more of it and if things ever are over for her by then she's going to be in even more of a mess sadly anyway.

lf l could go into the details it would all make more sense here but unfortunately l can't do that here.

[CMF]

Yeah. Another 3 years us a long time to wait. I would have been the same if still with M, waiting for his situation to change. The BS is too much. I'm also not material idtic. Keep it simple. His sis has to buy every gadget that cones out.  Going to thst house was so overwhelming at times with her stuff everywhere . Kitchen, under coffee table, on the stairs...everywhere you looked she had crap.

[randomxx]

That's unreal isn't it considering she has a business you'd think she'd be miss organized. But yeah , could see that with them and m and the opposite with you.  Unfortunately it's two different kinds of people for me, l need us both to view things and life and stuff in general roughly on the same page bc you not only just need it anyway to live the way together that you like to live yourself , but it's so much about the person too isn't it

[randomxx]

l don't know how to even view this 5yrs now but l do know another 3, nope, can't do it.

But l mean do you say you wasted 5yrs, when among it all l at least had some beautiful times and with an incredible human being too, ok she was also a pain in the arse but , amazing person too nonetheless

l don't like to think of it wasted bc what would that say about my feelings for her and our time together yaknow.

but so then am l glad l met her considering all this, ldk, l think l am, and l am grateful for some of our beautiful times and to have know her.

Hopefully this 5yrs also now leads to something else the universe has planned.

[CMF]

I told M it was a waste of 5 years. He said he hopes I dont mean that. I feel it was a waste cos I waited for the change he said would happen & it clearly never will. . I feel it was a waste cos I was prepared to move forward & he wanted to call it quits. Yeah we had good times but the last 3 years were frustrating, & hurtful. I should have ended it the many times I wanted to but I stuck around hoping. Also i know I'm not interested in meeting someone else.

[randomxx]

Yeah , truthfully so should have l. l was very conscious of the time and yrs early on to and with her situation to me it was a gamble for sure.  100 times l thought l should get out of this now.

even at 25, 20 l wouldn't wanna spend 5yrs on something that wasn't gonna work out and l sure didn't wanna throw away 5yrs now.

l think you and me were talking about all that earlier in and worried back when.

ldk.

l suppose l'm trying to be positive but really l agree, hopefully it just helps my peace of mind if l look at it that way though, find the goods, ldk.