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Relationship advice / parenting

Community Member

I am so confused and feel like I'm going crazy as my dh (husband) got really angry yesterday and it seems to boil down to this situation :

If I (as a sahm) I tell DH in the morning that I am going to pick up my sister and have churros at the shops with the kids ... then while we're out, kid#1 asks us if we can go to the zoo and I txt him to see if he's ok with that... he says yes-as long as I stop home to look after the dog first, which we did, then went to the zoo...

Is that EQUIVALENT to DH stopping by the pub/gym on the way home from work or having lunch with friends or doing anything without even a txt to say he won't be home at his usual time (or why)?

He says everyone would agree that it is the same.

Feel free to just write
YES it's equivalent
NO it's not equivalent

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Crumbs

Welcome to the forums. Interesting question you have posed. Where I am inclined to answer in the affirmative, I think a bit of explanation is due.

Back when my kids were in school, I used to have similar problems with my (then) wife. It seems as though if ever I were to do something out of the normal, the onus was on me to tell her of the change to the routine. But then, on the other side, if ever she were to do something out of the norm, the onus was on me to ask​ her if she were doing something different. And never was the onus on her to tell me or ask me. Over time, it came to be apparent that me being inconvenienced was inconsequential, the only thing that matter was if she were to be inconvenienced. Had I only broached this topic years earlier, we might not have grown apart.

IMHO you need to have a sit down talk with your hubby about this. Though small today, if left unresolved it can snowball into a big problem that drives a wedge between the two of you.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Crumbs, sorry but i cant type just yes or no but well done for coming to the forums to seek advice and/or answers.

Certainly you have a situation going on that needs sorting out.

What are the chances that you could sit down with hubby and discuss what you think is fair and what you think isn't? I think that this type of conversation would prevent further issues arising.