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Loosing Direction

Community Member


Most of my life I've had physical health issues, much related to being very tall, coupled with the usual mental issues and bullying when younger.

The physical issues have been a lot worse recently and seems to be one thing after another, e.g.; dislocated knee (which impacted my fitness level), pinched nerve in back (again unable to exercise), migraines, late onset asthma (set off from hayfever), etc.

Now, my wife has told me I am the source of majority of her stress and she believes we are falling apart due to my various issues, this coming after the night before having what I perceived was a great talk about myself and us as a couple being better.

We have two girls who are my world, I am a stay at home dad for them having given up my career as my wife could not give any more time from her family business, but I love being an at home dad and wouldn't change a thing.

However now I feel in an impossible place, where I don't know what to do. I don't know that I can do any more than I already am to better myself, and I don't know how I can change my wife's perception of my situation, then if our marriage broke down I couldn't stand to take them from their mother or have them taken from me.

Add salt to the wound, I've had a falling out with my mum and never been close to my dad, and my friends don't have kids or are many married so talking to them hasn't helped. Feeling a bit alone right now.

Writing this I really just want to hug my girls, but they're asleep.

Thanks for listening, felt better to get it out.


2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BeardedDad

Please excuse the late reply, we are usually very quick

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

Having any mental health illness/disorder can be hard enough on its own without being compounded by physiological ailments. You would be in a unpleasant place. I understand with having had acute anxiety and then depression since 1983.

You mentioned that your wife is indirectly using you as the catalyst for her stress. This is very unfortunate considering what you have been going through. I wonder if she would say that in front of a counsellor with you present? Counselling may be an idea where that is concerned.

You and I have a lot in common, the early bullying, the parental fallout problems and having few (if any) people that you can talk too. There are many very kind people in a similar situation as you on the forums that can be here even just for a chat. You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish BeardedDad.

You shouldnt have to feel sad or lowdown on your own. It would be great if you could post back when convenient of course 🙂

my kind thoughts


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi BeardedDad,

Thank you for taking the time and having the courage to reach out:) Wow it sounds like you have alot going on at the moment and are at a bit of a crossroads.I am sorry for your health problems and though I can't compare I had a fall a few years ago along with years of lifting the wrong way and my back is degenerating and I am in alot of pain daily and I just can't do what I used to and for me it has been quite debilitating even though I can still be mobile so I know health problems are hard physically but also mentally, only people who have had ongoing health problems both mentally and physically would understand what it is like to live like this daily. It sounds like you have been a wonderful dad and devoted your time to raising your girls, there is no greater gift to them than that, you must be very proud. You have two beautiful blessings in your life so in that way you are fortunate. I cannot speak for your wife but do you think there are issues beyond the physical issues of your health ? Is she going through anything herself? For some reason it doesn't seem to make sense to me that if you love someone then one day you say that there issues are to much and consider leaving, maybe there is more to that, im not sure. Do you think she will really leave or do you think it is an opportunity to talk and make changes ? You can call us on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 131114 if you just need a chat. Our line is good for referrals and resources as well, I know because I have rang it. I don't really know what else to say except that I wish you well and please keep in touch if you want to with us and know that you are not alone. Best Wishes Nikkir x