Ready to give up on finding love.

[Mikkus]

This is the first time I've done anything like this so.. here goes.

I recently turned 40 and have never had a girlfriend. My experiences have all been terrible. I have been asked out twice by girls as a joke when i was 18 and 24. It was so humiliating. I shut down for a long time after that. About 10 years later i met a girl through work. Over about a year we became good friends. We went out once or twice with workmates, and after a while she told me she was in love with me. I felt the same way. A few days after that she left to go on a cruise. While she was away one of the other girls she worked with let it slip she was on holiday with her husband. This basically destroyed me. Now ive recently turned 40 and have never had a single positive relationship experience. Ive tried to go out and meet new ppl but no luck. Online dating has been a terrible experience. I havent got many people who can grasp how lonely and dejected i feel, every single one of my friends is either married or has a partner. I never even had a date. Im just ready to give up any hope that I'll find anyone. I just feel pretty worthless and am having trouble coping with it. Im sorry if this isnt clear, ive not talked about it before

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Mikkus,

Don't give up! Everyone deserves to feel loved and you have heaps of time still.

Without knowing you at all I am just going to throw out some suggestions, please ignore any that don't relate to you, all offered in kindness;

First impressions matter with dating as women can be fickle creatures. I would suggest going to a trendy clothes shop and finding a female assistant to help you pick out a new outfit. Don't forget your shoes.

Same with your hair, find a female hairdresser and get her to give you an up to date style. Can't hurt right?

Now you're set to go. Appearances don't mean much really but someone who puts effort in does... it is the effort that will be noticed. "Wow, he's gone to a lot of trouble for me!" I say this because my hubby puts zero effort in these days but I love him to bits haha. Early days though you want to show some effort.

Ok, now finding people is tough. Neil and Greyhound had some good suggestions. Another option I only heard of recently is Meeting Place. If you google Meeting Place you can find groups for all types of interests. There are also a stack of Meeting Places for people who are depressed (just add depressed to the google search). What I have found here on BB are some of the nicest, kindest people ever! I think people with big kind hearts feel more deeply and are possibly more prone to depression. There are a lot of very lonely people here too. Perhaps a Meeting place group for depression in your local area will lead to new friends and perhaps you might find a soulmate...you never know. You just need to check the intent of the group.

If you want to give some more details on your interests perhaps I can think of more things to help.

I like my hubby because he and I am both a bit nerdy and geeky with a love of fantasy sci fi, board games and reading. I have a lot of friends who never spend time with their partners and have nothing in common. They are married but lonely. I think that if you can work out who you are and what you want you will be able to find someone and you may very well end up happier than a lot of those already married.

Happy to help if I can.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Apollo_Black]

Did you fit the nice guy profile though?

[Apollo_Black]

when did you read it anyway? If that's all you got from it then you may not have read it properly or didn't like hearing what it had to say. Did you try the breaking free exercises? The point of the nice guy book is that you need to gain confidence and feel comfortable in your own skin to do better at attracting the opposite sex. You don't meet people staying at home. you might find it better to get inspiration from his podcasts - he has a dating series in particular "testing for interest" specifically to avoid be friend zoned.

[Mikkus]

I have tried internet dating, still trying. You're right when you say theres a lot of disingenuousness. But i'm still kinda hoping something might happen. This sounds stupid but i find it very difficult to converse through texts. It almost feels a little cold, if that makes any sense at all....

[Mikkus]

I can say i dont have any stigmas regarding international dating. But i was just now thinking about it for a while, and with my background in relationships i dont think I'm well equipped to know the genuine people from the others.

[Solosombra]

Hey mikkus sorry about the late welcome to bb.

First I'm sorry about what happened when you were 18 and 24 that was mean and unfortunately some people are just like that try not too let it diminish your own self worth and confidence any further!

I have only had one girlfriend myself but it did last 7 years so I don't fully understand your loneliness but it has been six years since I lost her to ill circumstances.

I'll always remember what she told me but. 'Its easier to love someone when they love them selves' maybe some confidence mustering and self improvement could help??

I really hope things turn around for you soon! We all deserve love.