Please help! I need some advice!
Ok so my story isn't simple and it certainly isn't short, I can only hope that you have the patience to read it to the end and offer some advice or support if able as at the moment I am feeling so completely confused, anxious, depressed and desperate....
so here goes...
I'm 32 and have been in a relationship with the father of my children for almost 14 years (coming up in August) and we've had 4 temporary separations in that time.
Our children, 3 boys are almost 13, 11 and 9. They fun energetic children, typical rough and tumble boys.
He, the boys dad (I'll call him Bob) suffers mental illness - depression and anxiety and is medicated for the depression daily. I too have suffered depression half my life and was recently diagnosed with bi-polar, taking a medication daily also to control this. I too suffer anxiety and I find it is at its peak at the moment due to the stress I'm currently experiencing.
You see a few weeks ago bob and I had a disagreement, an argument or a damned barmy, what ever you want to call it resulting in my moving into a friends house for a week.
After a week Bob and I had had a chance to discuss our issues and the changes that would be needed to be made if our relationship was to work.
unfortunately after a week I moved back home to bob and the children to find little improvement in the said areas we would change.
Im finding im extremely unhappy, I'm no longer interested in bob and what he does (which is little), I love him but I am not in love with him.
i want to ask bob to move out so I can continue to reside in our home until it is sold and the seperation is finalised but I'm afraid.
im so terrified. I'm terrified to tell him what I want, I'm terrified of the way he will react, I'm terrified he will make me move out and take my children from me.
I need advice please, has anybody been in a similar situation, what steps do I need to take to get some happiness back into the lives of me and my children.
Bob is not a physically violent man but the mental/emotional abuse he can deal out cuts just as deep.
Happy to provide further details to anyone who can help me
please I'm desperate and feel I have no one I trust enough to turn to
Hi Anon1984. Have you spoken to your Dr regarding assistance. With you suffering bipolar I presume this means you are being monitored. If you approached your Dr and told him what your home situation is, he may have some suggestions. Is there somewhere you could go till you can think clearly? Women's refuges often help out in these situations. If you are terrified of his responses to you wanting to end things, I would suggest perhaps it might be best if you left for a while till you can settle things legally. Is your home joint owned, if it is, could you suggest selling, then going your separate ways. This would give both of you a chance to look for alternate living arrangements. He is not prone to being physically violent, but verbal violence can be just as hurtful. Do you have a friend who would be willing to let you stay till you can sort something out.
Lynda, I Thankyou kindly for your response to my post.
I am currently seeing my doctor on a weekly basis, having been struck down with bronchitis the past few weeks, making me feel worse, he has been monitoring me and trying to get me on the improve health wise.
I haven't mentioned my relationship with him or the way I have been feeling but after reading your suggestion I think I will at my next visit.
having previously felt defeated and like I had lost control it has only been in the past few days that I have realised what path I need to take and that my pride and others thoughts are the least of my concerns and I need to seek help where I can.
I have two loving parents that would put me up for some time if I needed but my friends are minimal (partner has made sure of that) but I really can't see myself moving back in with my mum and dad and there's no way I could move back home with 3 children, I couldn't be a burden like that.
Im unsure how many refuges are available here in Tas but may be an option worth looking into also.
once again I Thankyou for you reply, the support is what I'm lacking most at the moment and your kind words have provided me with not only some options to look at but some sense of warmth also
Hi Anon. Another option came to mind here. You mentioned having three energetic boys. C'link might be able to offer assistance in regards to financial help, accommodation wise. Once you've seen your Dr and discussed with him, perhaps you could then talk to c'link/family services. Get your Dr to fill out a form advising of your medical condition, take this c'link, explain your situation with hubby, tell them you wish to leave the house as you feel he won't. You may probably have to fill out forms advising c'link of your financial commitment i.e home, bank details etc. In some circumstances they do offer financial aid for women with dependant children having to relocate. Having bipolar also means you may be temporarily unable to work. Perhaps later, this could change, as you start feeling stronger. This way, too, it would mean you would save your parents unnecessary worry. You mentioned you didn't want to burden them. They probably would love to have you, but if you feel a bit uncomfortable about that thought, then finding alternate accommodation would be a better idea.
Best of luck, hope these suggestions help.