Re New Relationship

[Steves_87]

So what I’m after is more advice than anything. Over a week ago I decided that I had to move on from the girl that I was with for 3mnths after she just ended things abruptly. I was going to do a casual set up with thing with girls but in reality I’m not that type of guy. I want to find love again especially after my marriage breakdown this year. I want to feel that love with someone again I love the whole concept of love. So I met this really awesome girl on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for over a week and Friday just gone we had our very first date and I was completely blown away by her. I felt instant chemistry and attraction with her. We went out to dinner and then a movie and after being nervous the whole day about meeting her once we met and starting chatting everything just felt natural. It was the most amazing night I’ve ever had. It was really special so much so she said she wanted to see me again to which I was so excited that it went so well. I feel this girl is someone I can build something really amazing with. I guess I’m impatient and want things to happen quickly and I know deep down I need to take it steady but she’s on my thoughts constantly. We’ve organised to see each other again next Wednesday and I’m planning on something really amazing for New Years. I guess the advice I’m after is should I just go with the flow. Do I tell her how I feel. Do I ask her if we are a couple. I think she has feelings for me and is comfortable after the first date. Thank you for reading

[Juliet_84]

Hi Steves_87,

Firstly, I’m glad that you have met someone that you get on with and are attracted to after the end of your marriage. It’s also nice to know that there are people out there that can make you feel again. But I think it’s also important to temper your expectations given that you’ve only known this girl a week. When we want something bad enough like love, we have a tendency to project our wants and feelings onto other people, which can be overwhelming for them. In reality you don’t know enough about her yet, let alone what she is like in a relationship, what her interests are, what her faults are etc. I think that you just need to slow things down a bit and get to know her and see whether you like her and whether you are both compatible. I think that you can be reassuring and message her after the date and say you had a great time and that you would love to see her again if she does as well. But I think hold off on professing your feelings until you know her a bit better. If someone told me they had feelings for me after a week, my first thought would be “but you don’t even know me”.

[Steves_87]

Thank you for you’re reply. I get where you’re coming from about the feelings thing. I guess I just have this intuition that she is a great person. Probably yes in theory sounds really crazy when I’ve only just met her but we’ve talked everyday we have lots in common we’ve really gotten to know one another over the past week and a bit. We’ve both talked about what we want in a relationship and we are both on the same page. She told me that she had fun she was the one who wants to see me again of course I do to but I’m really ecstatic that this has progressed. I guess I’m just feeling really happy and positive about this girl I want to tell her how I feel but I know i should just keep cruising along and let it all happen naturally.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Steve to the forum,

Juliet has given you a supportive and helpful reply.

can understand how eager you are to tell her how you feel. It has been a week and I know that feeling that you feel you have known her forever.

Do you know much about her other relationships, because if she has been hurt before and this time wants to take things slower, you may find she would be overwhelmed by you telling her how you feel.

I agree with what Juliet says that if someone said they had feelings for me after a week and one date, I would be confused and fell I was being rushed as how could someone know me after one date.

Of course it is your decision.

Let us know what you feel and we can continue the discussion if you like.

Quirky

[MsRufus]

Hi!

Sounds like you are going really well!

I think it is best to 'go with the flow' to a degree,

if you come in too strong it may scare her off !! I think it is probably too soon to ask if you are in a relationship!

Although that doesn't mean you cant express how you feel,

if you get home from a fantastic date tell her how much you enjoyed it and are looking forward to seeing her again!

I hope this helps!

[Juliet_84]

Hi Steves_87,

I’m so glad that you have met someone that you feel a connection with, and it sounds as though you are both on the same page with wanting the same things etc. But just be mindful that everyone is giving the best version of themselves to a large degree in the first 6 months of a relationship. I once dated a guy shortly after separating from my ex and I felt all the same things as you, until 6 months in he started pulling away and had a freak out. It later turned out that he was a bit of a commitment phobe, but that wasn’t obvious at the start as he was very full on. I’m not saying this will be the same, just be aware that it’s easy to seem compatible and perfect for each other at first. People will slowly reveal themselves with time, and lets face it we all have baggage to a degree. I think that the goal should be to build a relationship that lasts the distance, not one that is intense but short-lived. I also don’t want you to set yourself up for heartache, where you get ahead of yourself and build things up so much, that you ignore red flags or that you may not be as compatible as first thought, leaving you devastated and unable to cope. The way I see it is you are not going to lose anything by taking things a little slower but you have a much higher chance of things imploding if you take things too fast. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t tell her that you have a great time with her etc but I just think hold off on the deeper feelings talk until you know each other a little longer, that also makes it a bit more special. I personally find the first time that you tell someone you are falling for them to be an intensely emotional experience and I don’t think I’d feel the same intensity if it was said after a week. But I also understand that the heart can often overrule the head (for us all!) so you will most likely do what feels right for you. At any rate, let us know how you go!

[Steves_87]

Thank you so much for you’re advice. I will take all this on board because you are right. It’s just hard because I’m feeling so happy inside. We are seeing each other again this week and to New Years and I’m so very much excited. I know it’s hard to keep yourself in check and I will hold off on the deeper feelings and just save that I think it will be very special I just know that right now she’s ticking all the boxes for what I’m wanting in a girl. I know I’m much more wiser after my experiences this year and I know I need to keep myself in check but as I said I just know I feel something really amazing for this girl it was the most refreshing experience I’ve ever had with a girl. The date was perfect. But I’m just going to keep getting to know her and us enjoy one another enjoy our time together and have fun and everything will fall into place. It’s one thing I’ve learnt after the year I’ve had I have to be positive I have to move on with my life I deserve to be happy. Thank you again

[Steves_87]

Hey ok so an update on how things are going with my new girl. They are fantastic couldn’t be better. We seem to be moving quite fast but steady if that makes sense which I don’t have a problem with one bit. We really do enjoy one another. Now to the nitty gritty. I’m considering asking her if we could move in together at the end of Jan. By then we will have been together for 2mnths. I’m just not sure whether I should yet or wait a bit. The problem is she lives away from me so it’s a distance factor and I figured if we were living together it would make things a whole lot better because distance sucks in a relationship. The other factor is where I’m currently living I want to get out of the town I want to start a fresh life with my girl away from my ex and I guess there is a huge level of spontaneity coming in here. I guess it’s all about believing in the situation and taking that leap of faith. The thing is I do know it’s possible to fall in love with someone after 2mnths and move in I did it with my ex and yes probably at the time we did love one another and that. My parents are a testament to this over 30 years married and they were together moved in and pregnant with me all within 6 months my mum was pregnant at their wedding. So I guess I’m intrigued as to what the people here think and how I should go about putting my idea forward to my girlfriend. Would much appreciate the advice thank you guys