Pregnant, moving house, partner suffering severe depression etc

[Sometimes at a loss]

Hi,

My first time here but im at a loss at the moment. I feel a little lost.

1st of all we have building a house most of which the running around has been done by me. We are now nearing completion thankfully but we are also now expecting a baby in a few weeks also.

The baby was unplanned, not unwanted, but unplanned in fact we were trying to be careful given all the house stuff etc. But this lil tavker had other ideas. We have an 8yr old son as well.

Anyway i am a type 2 diabetic as well as being over weight so the pregnancy is a high risk one amd in the beginning the doctor was pushing to get me into the clinic asap and ki da freaked me out a little. Now i realise the risks associated with my health issues, but i have found that i am now petrified of becoming hospitalised and things going wrong towards the end of it.... well any day now really. With all the added stress. Which in itself brings a higher risk of raised blood pressure, pre eclampsia etc

My other half has had to change jobs to an area where he is miserable and even though he is a great guy, he is in no headspace to help me. Which sucks to put it nicely.

So basically we are stuck living in A 6x6 room, the 3 of us and due to issues with the build have been here longer than intended. That is straining all our relationships in certain ways.

And now to top it off my son is refusing to go to school. Im seriously stuck. Im trying to keep the stress levels down to take care of myself and this baby... while organising everything to finish the house, keep the other halfs head above water, keep the family happy, etc. I just dont know what to do anymore.

[PamelaR]

Hi Sometimes at a loss and welcome to our community forums

I understand how you must be feeling. You are going through quite a lot at the moment. I think you're doing marvellously considering everything that's going on in your life. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself. It's okay to be gentle with yourself.

Having type 2 diabetes, expecting a baby, building a house, managing an 8 year old and supporting a partner with depression - these are all very huge matters. So it isn't surprising you feel the way you do.

If your partner's not much support - is there anyone else you have who you can call on? For example a trusted family member or close friend? Someone who you can at least talk to? Do you know about PANDA (Perinatal anxiety and depression Australia)? There phone number is 1300 726 306.

Do a search in our webpage for keywords, e.g. pregnancy anxiety. Feel free to join discussions with others who are or have experienced similar situations. You're not alone Sometimes at a loss.

Keep reaching out, if and when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Sometimes at a loss]

Thanks for your kind words.

I have no real family that i can turn too as they never bother to even see if im around and havent for a few years now. And i havent had mum or dad for quite a few years now.

My best friend is going through major depression at the moment and is kind of relying on me to help her through and she has self harm thoughts i made her promise to talk to me if she ever fwlt that way so i cant turn my back on her. And another friend i have is kind of there for me but im not as comfortable in talking to her in depth anymore.So pretty much alone. When i call any of the 24hr lines in the past they always ask if anyone is home and as soon as i say my other half is they kinda give me a brush off feel i guess believing that i should just wake him...

Im sick of being judged by most people i know, when i know im just doing whatevr i can to get myself through the next few weeks.

ii did reah out to my sons school today and they were great so hopefully that one gets sorted as soon as possible with their help he went for a couple of hours today and taking him to a doc tomorrow. So fingers crossed.

[Chickenhead]

Hi Sometimes at a loss,

How did your son go? Was the school and doc able to help at all?

I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know I'm dealing with similar type stuff and I can relate to how you feel. My Bub is due any day now, considered high risk due to my BMI (not diabetic but I've been in for monitoring for pre-eclampsia probably due to anxiety levels), my hubby is dealing with depression and other serious health issues right now, and we are struggling with family dynamics as we have limited options for care of our 2yo during the birth. We don't have a descent support network.

When I had my booking in appointment at the hospital, they calculated my BMI and enrolled me in a healthy lifestyle course without even telling me. The course included weekly reading and follow up phone calls with a dietitian where I had to have given her my food and exercise diary in advance. I can not begin to describe how that course alone escalated my anxiety levels! In the end I had to explain that "lack of education" was not the reason I'm overweight, anxiety and depression is, so unless they want to deal with that, all they are doing is making it all worse! I pulled out of the program. I only share this because I believe sometimes they don't really think about how the information being provided is being received, and it makes matters worse, and I felt SO judged.

Your comment about being sick of being judged when you're just doing what you can to get through the next few weeks really resonated with me. It is totally okay to be in that headspace, as long as there's an end in sight. Right now the dishes aren't done, the washing is piled up, and the house is getting to the point where the mess is preventing us from functioning properly. We are eating takeout almost daily because I can't cook with the state of the kitchen. To be blunt, I am ashamed of the house at the moment.

But, we are doing what we need to to get through the next few weeks, and that is okay. It is okay to pare life back to the basics and survival mode. Please don't take on other people's judgement, if they aren't there to understand and support, then their opinion just doesn't count.

How exciting your new house is nearly done! Try and focus on how wonderful it will be when you are in your new house with your Bub. In the meantime, do what you need to survive and be kind to yourself and your loved ones. Hugs.

Chickenhead

[PamelaR]

Hi all

Sometimes at a Loss, Chickenhead has given you some awesome support there! I agree completely. It doesn't matter how the house is - just do what you have to, to get through what you have to! That's all okay.

I agree ith Chickenhead - focus on your new home and your new bub. All sounds great! Don't worry about others. If they are there to support you, then really they aren't worth the worry.

Be kind to yourself. Let us know how you are getting on.

Kind regards

PamelaR