Post partum anxiety?

[BrokenHearted88]

I have a 4 month old beautiful baby boy. He is my everything and I love him more than words can describe.
I feel I may be struggling with post partum anxiety though. I can’t bear to be away from him. Even for short periods of time. I’m anxious about leaving him with my partner incase he misses a nap on schedule. I’m anxious about leaving him with my mother incase she does t do exactly what I do and same goes for my mother in law. These people are amazing, loving, caring people who I should not fear looking after my baby, but I do.

he is also exclusively breast fed. I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding in the beginning and got mastitis three times in two weeks. I gave up breastfeeding for a few days, even took a lactation suppressant, then changed my mind and worked really hard to re-lactate. In addition to this I had a really scary accident two weeks ago where I fell down the stairs with my baby. He was completely unharmed but I was bruised all over.

i feel that this has contributed to my fear of being away from him. My mum doesn’t help things. She makes me feel like a bad person for not giving her my baby to look after yet, but she doesn’t really offer much support. She expects me to drop him at her house (1.5 hour drive away) and I’m not sure where I go while she looks after him? Nowhere is open....my mother suffers from her own mental illness and takes things very personally even when they aren’t about her. There is no reasoning with her when she feels like this.

do I need to seek further help? Or am I just behaving in a normal way for a first time mum in a pandemic?

[BrokenHearted88]

Yeah that sounds like a great tactic. Similar to CBT I suppose? Interestingly enough, I caught up with two other mothers with babies similar ages today and they feel just as anxious as me about being away from their babies. Maybe even more so than me! So that normalised the feelings a bit for me. I’m guilty of putting a lot of pressure on myself to do everything perfect for bub but I need to remember that he will be ok as long as there is love and reasonable structure most of the time. Some days the schedule will go out of wack and when he is looked after by others he may cry. But I need to remember that I would never leave him with anyone who doesn’t love him, or who isn’t a trained professional, and so he will be safe and cared for, albeit a little upset mum is not there. Easier said than done though I feel haha

[SapereAude]

Hi BrokenHearted,

Thanks for posting here and telling your story. It's admirable to have done so. Plenty of Mum's will feel anxious with their first child, let alone during a pandemic and when their own Mum lives a considerable drive away. That said, if you feel you aren't coping well with this anxiety, it's a great thing to have reached out and to look for strategies to help manage or even overcome it. Have a look at the link below, perhaps with your partner and hopefully you find that useful.

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/pregnancy-and-new-parents

Have you got any friends that could maybe come over for a coffee/chat that you could rely on to perhaps allow yourself to have a nap whilst the baby sleeps. Perhaps you could also show them the way the baby likes to be held or bottlefed and that may help you. Also if you are in the house sleeping, you know you are close should the baby awaken and need you.

We have 2 girls (my 7yo step daughter and a 2yo). As a bloke, having the 2yo was definitely tough for me and extremely tough for my partner. It's always good to know how the other is feeling, to recognise the signs of struggle and to know who can help should you need that nap after the baby hasn't slept all night and you are at your wits end. Do you have friends or family with kids that can offer support too?

Good luck with it all. You're an amazing Mum and care deeply for the wellbeing of your child. I wish you all the best. Take care and I hope you can update us with how things are going.

[missep123]

Hi BrokenHearted88,

Yes you are totally right! Like CBT 🙂

I'm really glad you had that experience with the other mums. It can really help to normalise our feelings and know that we're not alone in what we are experiencing.

I can already see how much love you have for your baby and that you are doing so much for him! It's awesome how you are thinking of the possibilities of having others look after him.

[BrokenHearted88]

Thank you for your response and advise! My partner actually works from home so if I’ve had a particularly bad night of sleep and feeding than he will take the baby for a walk to give me some extra sleep. I’m not very good at napping during the day. I’m a pretty light sleeper and seem to do ok off next to no sleep but certainly feel better if I’ve had 6+ hours.

i have noticed that when I’m sleeping better I generally feel better also so I do think the two are linked. I know all new mums experience some form of anxiety and I understand that with my underlying GAD it is bound to be more pronounced. I’m pretty lucky to have a supportive partner and family for when I am feeling low but I find reaching out to professional services does help that little bit more 🙂

[missep123]

Hi BrokenHearted88,

How have you been? I apologise for the late reply!

I am completely the same! Sleep can affect our mood so much. How has your sleep been this week?

You are right, new mums can definitely experience anxiety. It is a completely new experience that is indescribable. How is your GAD going?

Here for you!