Contracting, working with person high demands, no empathy

[Srfr]

Frustrated with “boss” who squeezes the life out of me work wise i.e. gets as much out of me as she can. I comply then am gobsmacked when she nit picks everything I do. Tried boundaries mentioning I need autonomy, however this has fell on deaf ears. Charming personality, but I feel depressed every time I think about going there. Need the money - only reason for staying - feel humiliated as the work is menial. Hardworking work ethic mistaken for stupidity? Any advice? About to cancel the work..

[jess334]

Hi Srfr,

That's awful. It can be so hard to work with people like that and it can have a huge affect on your home life too.

Unfortunately I have never had success trying to change someone's personality. Some managers find issue with everything because otherwise they feel useless. I try and get out of their orbit as soon as possible.

Is this a long contract? If you cancel it will you suffer huge financial losses?

kind thoughts, Jess

[Beth_co]

Hi Srfr!

Learning to prioritize yourself first can be difficult when dealing with hard task masters. Coping with work so it isn't dragging you down has to be practiced. Saying "No" is a good place to start. If you're willing to leave this contract behind, then changing the way you deal with her won't be as high a risk as you might think. What do you have to lose?

How have you been with authority figures in the past? Parents, teachers, bosses? Have these people caused you grief? How did you deal with it then? If it's a pattern for you, then changing the way you communicate and respond might be helpful.

What do you think?

[Srfr]

Beth&Co

sorry taken so long to reply. Am a people pleaser & often use kindness & understanding with most people. Trying now to stop the people pleasing, as finding that, along with being “nice” is often misunderstood for stupidity or weakness.

I persevered with the person involved, who obviously had an agenda, as she ended up getting me to work whilst she interviewed another person for the job!

[Srfr]

Left the job

after perseverance and the person obviously had an agenda, as she had me work whilst interviewing another for the role!

[Srfr]

Yes, try now to be positive and do the right thing with authority figures. Still finding my fight/flight, usually flight comes up & I tend to run when I am singled out for punishment; understand this is due to being scapegoated often within family of origin, so .... trying to find the space to breathe before responding. Works, but then I get the poor treatment as perceived as stupid. Feel I cannot progress. Tried church & received rejection/shaming.

Feel alone.

try my best but keep getting pushed down again. Pride! Thanks for listening & pointing me in a good direction