People changing their minds about meeting me

[Earth Girl]

I'm a very shy girl and have trouble making friends. A few years ago, I
joined this site where I could make friends from the city I live, but
most of them changed their minds about wanting to meet me.

I heard good things about girl 1 so I thought I'd ask her if she would
like to meet up to see if we click and she said she would love to. On
the day, she asked if we could meet the day afterwards because she had
another friend who wanted to meet me who was a little girl and I said
"That sounds really cool, but I already have plans that day. She sounds
cute haha. Does she know me?" (Of course she didn't know me because she
wanted to meet me, but that didn't cross my mind at the time) and girl 1
told me a bit about her and then said that she woke up with a head ache
and asked if we could meet some other time.

I met up with a different girl a while after this, girl 2, and we got
along well. She was really cool and even someone I'd want to be close
friends with and she might have as well because she said that even if I
didn't choose her to be buddies, she'd still be happy to go to a gallery
with me. The next day she asked if I would like to be buddies and I
said that I would love to and she was like that's great. I also said
that I'd be able to go to the gallery with her and asked her where it
was and she told me but just a little while before I was going to leave,
she told me she wasn't feeling well and if we could catch up next week.

Girl 3 messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up and I told her that I
remembered her from school and said I would like to, but on the day she
told me her car wasn't working.

There have been a few people that have been happy to hang out with me,
but we didn't click super well (I still thought they were nice though).
There were more people than these three people who changed their mind
about wanting to see me though. It's not that I think people should have
to hang out with me, it just makes me kind of worried that people
change their minds because I feel like I must be doing something wrong,
but I don't know what. Do you think they just thought we wouldn't click
super well, or should I be worried?

[quirkywords]

Welcome earth girl. I would not be worried. People change their minds all the time.

well done for taking the first step. People maybe anxious about meeting so it is about them not you.

[Croix]

Dear Earth Girl~

Welcome here, I think Quirkywords is spot-on.

There is a world of difference in talking to people on a site, and actually being with them. It is a very big step and the other person gets to see you as you really are, a bit of a downer if you have chosen a photo or other details that do not really represent you.

It's also a matter of trust. The meeting may not be what you expect, or not go well. Many people think they are uninteresting or have some other reason to be nervous.

In my own case I correspondence wiht my partner for a long time, then email, finally phone calls, after which we had started to know each other quite well. The actual meeting was looked forward to by both of us and was a wonderful time.

Even for a purely social meeting there are obstacles, and I guess patience is the only way. You sound a lovely person and I'm sure will make freinds in time.

Croix

[Juliet_84]

Hi Earth Girl,

I am going through a similar thing at the moment after having moved to a new city. I’ve joined a friend site so that I can meet new people to catch up with and have been chatting to a few online. And then agreeing to meet, only to have them cancel at the last minute. The way that I see it is that most people don’t actually enjoy meeting new people, if can be stressful and all sorts of scenarios run through your head that you’ll be stuck there with nothing to talk about etc. and most people also have busy lives so it can be quite a time commitment. It can also be hard until you establish yourself as “proper friends” and can drop off before then also. I’ve learnt not to take it personally as they don’t actually know me yet so it’s no real loss, I just keep going with it and some people have become firm friends. It’s also good because it weeds out the people who wouldn’t be great friends as they tend to cancel a lot etc. So please try not to take it personally, it really is nothing that you have done wrong, but it’s just part of the process

[geoff]

Hello Earth Girl, and a warm welcome to the site.

I'm not making this to be the reason as there are lots of different variables that need to be considered, but during a lockdown, this proves to be a real problem when you want to meet someone and/or go and meet somewhere in particular.

People who are frightened of catching this virus can not make any commitments unless they have been vaccinated as well as the other person, and don't want to be fined unnecessarily, so they stall on meeting with you.

This period has put enormous pressure on all of us, excluding those who are anti vaccine, and they pay attention to what they are allowed to do, rather than who they meet up with.

You have nothing to blame yourself for in these unprecedented times, there is the possibility of them wanting to see you in the near future.

Take care.

Geoff.