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Partner with BPD Broke up with me will she come back?

Community Member

I met my now ex almost 10 years ago now. I 100% believe she is my soulmate. We started dating in 2013. I could not have been happier this entire time. We went through a lot together being a same sex couple we came out together. We moved into an apartment and adopted a cat together. We would have usual fights but nothing major. sorted it out within the day.

Last year in September we went on a holiday . During this time she proposed to me. (She Wanted to do it back in January)

I then proposed to her 2 weeks later at one of our favorite spots.

Now it starts going south. we went to a wedding expo in October and she wasn’t engaged in this very much. (Of course I thought it was just usual wedding jitters) we went back to my parents house and she said she had to go home and do work (later I found out she went to a friends house)

She started staying at work late filling her time up with other things instead of time with me. I approached her on this and she got upset I was holding her back from doing things she wanted. I started to get very down on myself and one day looked through her messages (hate myself for this and know it is completely wrong) she had been talking to her friends from work saying she wanted to die, self harm, bulemia etc. (I knew all of this had happened in the past but didn’t know it had come back again... not that it ever goes away I guess) I then found out that she was attracted to one of these girls which I later confronted her about and she said it was just she liked her look (still makes me feel shit)

she eventually said she didn’t tell me about all her negative feelings of herself and actions bevhase she didn’t want me to be ashamed of her.

early December she decided she was going to go to Japan with her family after we had everything planned. I didn’t mind so much she went but I spoke to her (argued) that the lack of communication about it with me hurt.

While she was away there wasn’t a lot of communication but she was constantly online on Facebook at the same time of this girl. we spoke one night on the phone and I asked are you breaking up with me and I just knew.

She came home and it was done. I Moved out and took my things.

We tried therapy and had a good run for a week. I found out she slept with a guy and at the next session she did not care if she ever saw me again.

She was diagnosed with bpd last week and I just want to know if I have any chance of her coming back. I love her so much and I know we should be together.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I know a fair bit about BPD as my mother I believe strongly has it, but is undiagnosed as due to denial. Nevertheless the train wreck she has left in the live sof those around her has scared me off people with the illness.

However, it is an illness and providing those sufferers get treatment we should all support these people as much as we can.

But can her symptoms of her illness contain her desire to be with someone else? Can she be stable enough for you? Is she committed enough? All these questions you should ask yourself and not stop until they are answered. What worries me is you have been with your partner for 10 years and up until engagement you were full steam ahead, and then it all fell apart. That means to me that logically thinking, if you reunited, you'd need a few years to make sure it was all going to have those aspects I just mentioned to make sure it was going to work.

I'm afraid I wouldn't have the confidence in such a relationship. I'd fall short of "cheating' at this point without firm facts but her behavior is, unfortunately, just as bad.

I know you feel like soulmates. I know you love her. But love isn't enough I'm afraid. Trust issues are paramount.

I hope I've helped and sorry, I cant see any way forward.

I think in your situation I'd take a clean and complete break from her for a few months to clear my head...as hard as that will be.