Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Partner of an emergency worker

Community Member

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t.

I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support.

The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it taking a toll on her and also now on me. If it continues likely on our relationship.

I have shared my feelings and she is sorry that it’s impacting me and wants to take measures for it not to. I know it’s important for me to share my feelings but I don’t want her to feel alone also.

Is there any one with personal experience being in relationship with an emergency worker and how do you navigate the heaviness?

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I haven't been a policeman. I've worked in local laws, investigations with my own company, security shift work and so on spanning 42 years.

Shift work largely had the most adverse affect on me and my partner/s. No need to tell you how the fallout hits home there. The remedies of shift work include-

  • More going out for meals than average
  • Taking advantage of the longer annual leave entitlements by having true holidays like camping, overseas trips and fun.
  • A hobby/sport you both enjoy like attending a footy game.
  • Friends outside the loop of police colleagues.
  • Encouraging her to seek support from internal counseling sources available to her rather than rely on you fully (general support ok but the "heavy" stuff no.
  • as a team map out 2,5 and 10 year plans for profession, family planning and other goals
  • A relationship counselor engaged to better your relationship would help

I hope those suggestions assist you both.

Repost anytime


Community Member

Hi mate. I’m not the partner of one, but come from the other side...

I don’t have a lot to offer, other than if your partner is fairly new to law enforcement or even if she has been doing it a while it is likely her personality will change (not necessarily for the worse) or at least she will be weighed down somewhat as she emotionally deals with the rigours of the job. That can impact the other half, as it sounds like it is in your case.

I have not read this, but hear it provided partners a better understanding of how to understand and have a relationship with someone working in emergency services.

“emotional survival for law enforcement”.

Hope this helps! I’ll keep an eye out if you have any more questions. If it’s good let me know 😉 heard it’s a good read...