Partner of an ADHD male.

[Sadgirl2023]

I need some help...

Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we have a beautiful home together and two animals. My partner went through his adhd diagnoses a year ago after having started university and was struggling, ontop of that he has mild autism and went through a diagnoses of arthritis at the age of 30- his life has been tough. I myself have OCD and am struggling with my own mental illnesses. In the last 6 months we have been fighting atleast every two days, mostly about his inability to understand or value my feelings, for him to make me feel wanted or desired, or even to speak to me without raising his tone an octave. I am not innocent by any means, I am quick to heighten but that is after being worn down after a few days of his irritability of me or how he challenges everything I say like it's wrong. I work in mental health and am around people everyday that need my support but I need his, I need his support and love and understanding and I just don't get it.

I don't want to be apart from him, I will try to never give up on him, I am a fighter but i need some help and guidance. Perhaps someone can help me understand what someone with adhd requires? If anyone also has any expertise on attachment styles that would help aswell as he is an avoidant and I am an anxious style.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I was misdiagnosed with ADHD many years ago and eventually found I had bipolar2 and dysthymia. Nevertheless the mania or bipolar and the hypomania of ADHD has similarities. 

I see two main areas needing attention plus perhaps some counselling.

1/ Relationship kickstart. To put all past issues aside and dig deep to restart your relationship. Please read this concept in the is post and if you both agree to it and implement it you will find it will help enormously.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-strife-the-peace-pip...

2/ Acceptance of your illnesses and empathy from both of you towards the others struggles.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/acceptance-is-this-our-biggest-challenge/td-p/14769...

Yes, living with a mental illness be it you or a loved one is difficult. We have to be aware but not over reactive, empathetic but not mothering, kind but not controlling, tactful etc but above all we have to get back to our lives and treat our mental illnesses as side issues in a sense with due consideration when the topic needs it. eg dont allow them to control your daily lives.

There is an enormous library here on this forum, just use search or repost and someone like me will answer you when we log on. 

TonyWK