Partner broke up with me because of his mental health

A_Elise · ‎17-02-2020

Hey all I am in desperate need of some honest advice. So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while now and last week I had been noticing him acting strange. By strange I mean leaving me on read and giving me short replies which worried me because I was getting the feeling that he'd suddenly lost interest in me. Then midway through last week, I asked him if he was okay because he's been acting strange and he asked if we could be on a break because he doesn't feel like he has the capacity to be in a relationship right now due to how he feels as though nothing makes him happy anymore and he has to fake being happy all the time. I tried to reason with him and ask for him to give us another go and I reassured him that now that I know what he's going through I'll know to not be hurt if he treats me badly and he eventually agreed to give us another go. I felt so selfish for basically forcing him back into a relationship when he's in the state he's in so a few days later I said that if he wants to go on a break I'd be fine with it because I want him to be happy.

This was a few days ago. Our conversations still weren't flowing like they used to and whenever we called each other it just felt weird and not as natural as it used to be. So tonight I naively asked him if this was maybe him just trying to break up with me and we ended up actually breaking up because he said that he just can't be in a relationship right now and that if we truly do love each other then we'll eventually get back together again. But I didn't see the point in actually breaking up if we were eventually just going to get back together again and I began begging for us to just be on a break at least but he said that he didn't want to do that to me. Again I began reassuring him that I didn't care how badly he treated me and that I'd do anything just to at least be on a break with him rather than broken up. Now we've decided to just go back to the way we were before we started dating and we may or may not be back in a relationship again when he feels like he's doing better.

I feel so horrible and selfish for trying to force a relationship back onto him with all the stress he's going through right now but I feel absolutely shattered. How do I support him and make him feel that we can be in a relationship while he's in this state? I don't want to force him but I just don't know what to do without him. I just cannot stand the thought of losing him. What should I do? Thank you.

laura86 · ‎18-02-2020

Thank you for sharing with us. I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment.

It is so hard being in this state of limbo and not knowing where things are going to land.

Personally I have sought the help of a counselor and am trying to focus on looking after myself even though I don't really feel like it.

Just remember that your feelings are real and valid so if you want to cry then cry. I have started reaching out to colleagues and family for support and that is really helping.

Unfortunately we can't control other people and what they are going to do, so for now I think the best thing we can do is remember that we do have people in our corner who will help us no matter what.

I suppose we will take this journey together and help each out as much as possible.

I hope you get through today ok and have some reasons to smile.

Much love,

Laura

Zp18 · ‎15-11-2020

Hi. I'm going through the same thing. I've been super supportive of my wife. But she keeps going through waves Of not wanting to be with me.

How has everything worked out for you? Did he get help?

Zp18 · ‎15-11-2020

Hi Laura.

How's everything going for you? I'm going through the same thing. My wife randomly told me she didn't want to be with me, she's sick of pretending to be happy. She just wants to be alone.

quirkywords · ‎15-11-2020

A.Elise, Laura, Zephil

Thanks for reaching out and writing your posts. As you can see other people are going through the same and you are not alone. There are quite a few threads on this topic you may want to browse.

itbis confusing when your loved one is depressed and pushes you away. Having depression is so tiring and you don’t like yourself, so sometimes you push others away and you feel you want to be alone.

like Laura you need to look after yourselves, get support, get help.
this forum is a supportive place where yiu can listen to each other’s stories.

quirky

815 · ‎18-11-2020

Hi Quirkywords, and to everyone else who has posted on this thread and is reading,

I really just wanted to let you all know, as quirkywords has said, you're not alone in this situation of trying to support a loved one through depression. And there are many threads on here with similar stories (also try the Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) section) and there is so much support on this website.

As quirkywords has also said, you must take care of yourself as well in all of this. You'll need your strength and own mental health to be taken care of if you want to keep hope and keep going. So please seek help and support if you need it. Take care.

summerolaf15 · ‎26-01-2021

So my boyfriend and I were doing amazing and we were having a blast a couple of weeks ago, then a couple days later he messaged me to ask me why I didn’t want him taking drugs and if we could make a compromise. One of the things in our relationship was if we dated he would stop doing drugs, so I said you can if you want but you already know what’s going to happen if you do. Then the next day he went back into a mental hospital for the third time (he has schizophrenia) and I went to visit him a couple days later. Everything was perfect we were hugging and smiling and laughing, then two days later he called me and asked to go on a break, I was hurt but I said ok, and I asked if this was permanent and he said he didn’t know. I didn’t talk to him for a week and then he got out of the mental hospital. I messaged him saying he didn’t have to speak to me I just wanted to know he’s ok. Then he broke up with me over text, saying he’d taken drugs and his mental health wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. I understood that, and cried a lot but I understood. Then I felt that a substance, drugs, was more important than me and I feel worthless now. Also, I was fine with him having a mental illness, I was willing to support him as long as he stayed clean from drugs. So if he got out of the mental hospital and told me he broke up because of his mental health, doesn’t that mean he’s better now that he’s out? And then why did he break up with me? And I don’t understand how he can go from being so in love to two days later wanting to stop talking with me, even though I was one of his only positive influences, yet he still talked to all his bad influences (his drug friends). His family’s told him he’s not allowed to speak to those people anymore, but he still does online. And his family’s also asked him why he broke up with me and apparently everytime they bring it up he says it hurts his head to speak about. Everyone’s telling me I didn’t do anything wrong, then why did he break up with me? And why did he change so quickly? And how can I get him back?