Partner believe daughter over me after I am the one the reunited them after 22years

[Kez77]

My partner and I have been together a couple of years, I have two children 21 and 22 and he had 2 children 24 and 28 which he hadnt spoken to or seen for 20 years until I reunited him with the daughter but his son still will not speak to him. Their mother sent pornagrapic phones and verbal abused my children after she found out we were together lucky we live in different states. So at the end of last year his daughters partner cheated on her and I offered for her to move from Canberra and come live with us and we will help her by a house here in QLD. She made all these promises to me that being a 28 year old women she wouldn't be a bother and she would look after herself and help around the house and contribute. So 8 weeks in and not a cent paid or once offered to clean anything when I cook and clean everyday and makes their lunches and work full time as well she now starts telling lies. She sits with me and tells me one story and then when her dad gets home she tells him total different story right in front of me for she knows that if I say anything he will believe her for she thinks he owes her for wasn't in her life growing up which had no option of his was their mothers doing. So she expects us to pay for food and board and then smokes all my smokes and complains has no money so he gives her cash but everyweekend she tells me how she is going away to retreats and winery's etc. I have tried to discuss this with my partner but he is that blindsided that doesn't believe a word I say. I was the one that organised for her to move that spent 3 weekends cleaning out rooms and the shed to make sure we had room for all her stuff so didn't have to hire a storage shed and the redecorated the bedroom for her and I was the one that was here when the revivalists came and I had to haul all the stuff into the house. No sign of her dad then and or her. So after all I have done and now she starts lying saying I am tipping out her products in shower and throwing her mail away and she knows I have a bath every Sunday m morning so she choses to get in just before me and then leaves purple shampoo everywhere which stains and the drain full of hair. This is what put me over the edge last weekend. I finally said something and nicely asked her to clean the bath and she made up this big lie that I went crazy and now she can't live with us so my partner believes that I drove her away. And then I get home the next day and there is a padlock on her bedroom door.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Kez77

Thank you for your post. I am lost for words. You have put so much effort, hard work and genuine interest and being repaid in the most ungrateful way. You have extended so much good willingness and it’s a shame this is not seen nor appreciated.
You have mentioned you had spoken to your partner and this is probably the best option as how are you supposed to deal with it by yourself? Maybe having a dinner out, just the two of you, would open his eyes to your story and how you feel in the midst of this difficult situation.

[Juliet_84]

Oh hell no, I would not be putting up with a padlock on the bedroom door. If she “doesn’t feel safe” or whatever she is going with, then she can move out. If I was you, I’d be setting a date for her to move out. If your partner wants to argue the point tell him that you have put up with this long enough and you are doing this before the relationship is damaged beyond repair. She is 28 years old, she’s not a child, that is more than old enough to be standing on her own two feet.

[Kez77]

Yes have tried to take him out of the house and talk to him alone but no matter what I say he just says she is just settling in after moving states she will come around and start helping I know you shouldn't have to cook and Clean for her she isn't your child and I said she is 28 she is no ones child she is a grown arse women and just for she sees I take care of you for and run the house hold and do all for you she expects I should for her except when we all are at home she will be like 'oh can I put a load of washing on', wow big effort put some towels in the machine or can I cook dinner tonight sure that would be great and we end up ordering in.... he just sees that as her making a effort and I explain to him that what she tells me when not around is different to what she tells him fr try t are him feel bad so him will pay for everything for her and believe her over me. I even recorded it and still he just says she tells me differently to you for you have a closer relationship with her and she trusts you so she doesn't tell me all the details for I am female and I am the one that was closer to her before she moved in after helping her through her breakup which she says her partner of 5 years cheated but I know the guy and doesn't seem that kind of person but he is not allowed to speak to us and us him so who knows the real story ..

[Kez77]

Thanks for your. reply,

the padlock went on the door after she moved out for she tells her dad that I go through her things and tip out her products and rip up her mail and she doesn't feel her things are safe here so her padlocked it and never spoke to me about any of this and I try and talk to him and he doesn't see how that is affecting our relationship for if you think what she is saying is true then you don't believe or trust in your partner and without that there is no love. She is just trying to come between us and he knows it just trying to play both sides for doesn't want to believe she is as manipulative as her mother and doesn't want him happy wants to break us up for he was not around when she was growing up due to her mother which she has nothing to do with either. We were perfect until she mioved in and he can't see what he is doing is harmful to us and breaking me for shows me he would rather do what she says and jump as high as she wants and give her as much of our money as she needs without asking me just to keep her happy even if it is breaking me.

[Kez77]

So today she came to get some stuff out of her room with the padlock and has other stuff with my things in spare room and I sad I wanted to be there so none of my stuff is taken and my partner said no he would make sure and watch and knows what is hers and mine, which I said you have no idea what's in the room. I packed all her things from the bathroom for I went to have a bath and now she is saying I tipped her things out and gave empty bottles which isn't true and I just went and checked my things and she has tipped my body shop products out and to make it look like that I did it. Dont they say when someone does something they project it for they know they have done wrong and blame the other. I asked to strip her bed for I brought $150 dollar sheets for her bed and went to do it with my partner and there is a $10 Kmart sheet on there and my sheets are no where to be found. I asked him just to ask her where she has put our sheets for not in the wash and he will not just says there sheets what does it matter. Which proves once again that she is manipulating the situation and trying to cause drama. I checked the bags and things that were in the spare room and half of my bags which even have my name on were missing and I asked him to look in her room and there they were but still he said on no I put them there. No matter what I say or prove or she does and says I am the one in the wrong. I can't understand after all I did to help her move her to get her out of a bad relationship and move from Canberra and support her never asked for a penny for over the 2 months she was with us for food or rent or anything. Just let her buy what she wanted and we payed for and never complained for was trying to help her and buy a home. Cant understand that she wants to break us up when she says its the happiness she has ever known her dad in the last couple years she has known him and now she is doing this. So lost can't believe someone can be so selfish at 28 years of age and use someone who truely cares about her when she has had no one to support her since 15. I am lost for words and now have to change all the looks in the house and need to keep the key and not even give one to my partner for he will probably give to her or leave someone where when she says wants to get in. I can't believe or trust in either of them. We have booked in to relationship counciling for is doing my head in.

[Kez77]

Morning all, Happy Easter.

So last night we spoke to my partners mum just called to say hi and check in with her that's she is ok for she is 75 and wow didn't she have a lot to say about the daughter, she isn't speaking to her either and was very rude to her and finally someone understood and listened and knew where I was coming from. It was such a relief and so good for my partner to hear his own mother speak of her grand daughters behaviour towards here was disrespectful and she has treated her like she has me my partner was lost for words. Then we called his sister which she was close to the daughter as well and she had the same opinion and had had words with the daughter herself as well, so seems that finally my partner heard that I am not the issue it is the daughter with the issue and taking it out on all the family and telling lies and trying to turn them all against him. He even went and took the padlock off the door. lol

Was so good and a relief and his mum and sister couldn't stop apologising and praising me for all I have done for her and all I have been through but still was there and hadnt walked away for my partner. Feel so much better now for felt like no one believed me and or had my back. My partner even called my mother and apologised to her for saying the things he did to her about me and now all is left he needs to speak to my brother and explain for I got all the blame from everyone because of it.

Have a wonderful Easter everyone stay safe and thanks for listening.