Part time depression?

[DisappearMe]

I am separated with two kids (9 - ADHD and 7 - Autism and ADHD) and have 50/50 custody. The week I have the kids is filled with non-stop fighting, them disrespecting me and each other, and me wishing I could disappear. I can't stand being around them and find myself disengaging (sleeping late, not wanting to play with them) and generally hating my life. We are going through various options to try to get help for their behavioural issues but nothing has changed yet. My ex and I are on OK terms but I find him unhelpful in discussing the issues I have. He says they aren't as bad for him. Today I got caught in the cross fire of my kids throwing things at each other and ended up at the hospital with an injury. No one knows how bad it is with them, they can be rude and badly behaved around others but nothing like what I see daily when they are with me. 

When I am with my kids I feel like I meet all the criteria for depression and in the days before they come to me I feel anxious as I know what it will be like. Then, as soon as my week is up I feel fine again - happy, optimistic, and calm. 

I can't live like this and the thought of another 10+ years of this is unbearable, especially as the kids are getting bigger and stronger and more dangerous to each other and me.

I don't know what to do.

[Croix]

Dear DissapearMe~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good move as you sound very stuck, unhappy and lost.

I think anyone who had the prospect of the all that fighting and bad behaviour would really dread it coming up again every other week, and as it looks like something permanent it means being stuck. Although they may be only 7 and 9 their capacity for hate and violence is surprisingly great - as you found out ending in hospital.

In part it is child-parent abuse (the opposite of what is normally assumed), and as such can I suggest, if you have not done so already, to see if the abuse experts, 1800RESPECT, can give you some ideas and support? While I'm talking about support, do you have anyone in your life to support you - family or a friend perhaps? Trying to deal with this alone is extra hard.

Reading your post it seem to me that the children have aggression towards each other, and this is worst when they are with you. That's two possibly separate factors to consider. While I do not know how practical this might be could it be possible for you to only have one at a time for a bit. That might reduce aggression between them and help you create individual boundaries wiht each one outside the influence of the other?

Do you think this a possibility?

Croix

[CJJones]

This sounds exactly like what I'm going through and it's just awful.

Single mum to 3 boys, constant fighting and I can't bear it. Leaves me feeling like I hate my life so much and what have I done to deserve this...

[chociloni]

Sounds so hard. Is the idea of finding the right therapists / treatment for your kids a relieving option for you, or just more hard work?