Overbearing housemates

[Rjade]

Hi there,

My fiance and I just moved in with two friends and we’ve quickly discovered that they are the two most inconsiderate, selfish people we’ve come across.

They’re messy, they’re loud, they use our things without asking and they take up so much damn space it’s like we’re guests in our own house.

They also have a habit of copying things that we’re doing. They literally do everything that we do, including vacationing where my fiance and I got engaged, despite showing no interest until this happened, and copying our date nights and even things that we’ve bought.

We both want to bring up the issues we have with them but we don’t want to create any tension.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am quick-tempered, so I don’t want to go into any conversations with them blind as to how to approach it maturely.

Does anyone have any ideas as to why they’re acting this way and what we can do about it, or has anyone experienced similar?

We feel so alone and we don’t want our home or lives to be miserable.

Thanks in advance...

[PamelaR]

Hi Rjade and welcome back

I see you've been here before to our forums. Hope your depression and anxiety aren't too bad at the moment - especially with what is happening with your housemates.

Sharing space with other people can be difficult at times. It isn't easy and from my own experience it's learning to set house rules, house boundaries. This means a lot of communication between everyone. Not sure how easy you talk with your friends. Maybe you have someone who can help you work out how you can approach this? Do you see a health professional, e.g. a psychologist or counsellor?

You're not alone Rjade.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[quirkywords]

Rjade

As Pamela has written living with other people can pose a few difficulties.

Were you friends with these people before you moved in together or do you mena they are friends with each other.

My dad used to use the saying Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Maybe they want to be like you .

I think sitting down with all of you and having a house meeting to see up some guidelines if rules sound a bit hard.

No accusations about how messy people are, just simple expectations,

if you use it wash it up and put it away.

Leave the kitchen or living space as clean as you found it.

Get the idea, you want your place to be welcoming and free of tension.

If you make them part of the process and get their ideas of how the home can work better.

Maybe your fiancé could run the meeting. keep it quick simple and friendly.

Just a few suggestions. They may not be suitable but may give you an idea.

Quirky

[Rjade]

Hi PamelaR,

Thanks for replying to my post, I appreciate it. My anxiety is quite bad at the moment but I’m feeling a little less depressed, even with these issues with my housemates.

I’ve been thinking of seeing a counsellor or psychologist to help with managing my conditions but I’ve always been wary of how effective it would be. I’ll look into it and may arrange some sessions. I don’t want to approach this problem, or any other problem, out of anger so hopefully they’ll be able to help me change my approach to dealing with problems.

Thanks for sharing your experience and letting me know I’m not alone, it does make the situation easier.

Take care,

Rjade.

[Rjade]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for replying to my post.

One of my housemates has been friends with my fiance for over 10 years and the other is his new girlfriend.

That could very well be the case. Maybe they do want to be like us and there’s no weird intentions, perhaps it is that simple.

Thanks for the suggestions, it’s been hard to muster up the courage to say anything, for my fiance too, not just because we don’t want to stir the pot, but because we have severe anxiety and confrontation scares us.

I like the idea of working over time with them to sort out any issues we’re inevitably going to have. It’s realistic because change won’t happen overnight.

I will definitely take your advice on board and put it into practice.

Take care,

Rjade.