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One sided marriage

Community Member

Long story short I love my wife and want to be with her however I am trying to find out a way to communicate with her with her blowing up and she turn all "right-fighter" and it ends up all being about her feelings and I get very little chance to express my feelings and then I feel like a fool as I end up feeling as though I have done something wrong.

She is a fantastic woman but sometime I feel she is more concerned with pleasing others and putting on the mask and dishing out valid advice than stopping and listening to my feelings.

There is alot more but I am sure that will come, this isn't completely one sided and many things aren't and I do own some of the issues in our marriage. I think communication is a starting point.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. 🙂

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Trusky

These difficult situations often need a fresh approach. If you can both agree on that alone you'll make progress.

Such further progress a counsellor can bring. Ideas you never thought of in my experience are the best. Some correction by a counsellor can be like a breath of fresh air.

In terms of conflict I wrote the following thread on how to defuse it. use google

Topic: relationship strife?, the peace pipe- beyondblue

In terms of a persons personality trait it become more complex. So many issues people can have that come natural to them. You mentioned her talking only about her feelings. Some people never ask a question. Some don't want to listen and are waiting for the gap in your speech so they can talk about themselves instead of responding to your story. This has a degree of incompatibility. It can be overcome however as I've done this myself with my wife.

We started fixing our problems by setting aside 30 minutes a week whereby we alternated bad and good comments and really listened. The comment would take less than 30 seconds, eg "I love the way you cared for me when I fell over"..."I am concerned you aren't showing any desire you listen to me" and so on. The main theme is not to hammer these things home and to give the other an opportunity to make a change.

The following threads might also be helpful

Topic: being 'reasonable' in arguments- beyondblue

Topic: different values and their effect- beyondblue

The following thread is about acceptance. We can change to a degree but we shouldn't ever expect too much change because we are who we are

Topic: acceptance, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

All the best. repost anytime in those threads or here.

Tony WK