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Not sure what to do.

Community Member

So I got a message from a friend recently that i haven't seen or heard in years asking if I'm free to chat as she was in a really dark place. I oblige and found out she left a 5 year relationship with a control freak and moved back with family nearby. Her depression and anxiety was rather severe so I ended doing a few all nighters making sure she's alright and thankfully things are slowly on the mend and now we've gone from talking to hanging out where she's staying with future plans to visit places together but now the problems start popping up.

Her sister is a big attention seeker so when I visit the jealousy causes arguments to flare up between the two and get nasty to the point that i have to leave which upsets the friend I'm trying to help and reconnecting with so I don't know what to do exactly there. The second is that during the relationship she had a child so there's the ongoing custody with the ex but she does get visitation. Now she's been dropping subtle hints about introducing me to her child and asking if it's ok to bring him along to our planned outings. This feels like a big thing to ask as I'm not a parent myself and not really comfortable being seen as a new dad by the child or other people.

Any advice to these issues or did I accidentally dig myself into a bad spot?

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion


Thanks for sharing this story.

You are a kind person who supported a friend after a long time of no communication, at a time of great need.

Now it seems your friend has plans for you that make you uncomfortable. You haven't heard from her for years , she reaches for you in a crisis, and now she wants you to be part of her child's life. That does sound like a big ask.

It seems you are trying help people but it is causing problem with the sister. Can you explain to the sister you are helping how the arguments with the other sister affect you.

I think you have been very compassionate and because you are so kind your friend may want you in her child's life.

Do you feel you can explain how you feel about meeting her child?

Feel free to keep discussing here.


Explaining to the sister is certainly easier said than done but worth a shot anyway.

As for the child I'm not entirely sure where to start. On the one side she may want to see if I'm potential father material or maybe she wants a positive role model for the child. It mostly appears as if future outings have now have turned into family outings despite the fact that I'm not his father or her partner as wants to swap the outings to days she has visitation.