Not in a Happy Place

[Petals54]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting on this site, I will try to keep it brief and I do apologize if I do ramble.

I’m 54, about to turn 55 this month, I am married and been together with my husband for nearly 7 years. In 2012, I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety & Depression after a work place injury which required 2 hand surgeries. After the surgeries & counseling things were going well, I got married in 2014 , then it all went to crap.... I was diagnosed with Perimenopause and everything changed for me... my anxiety and depression started to creep back into my life and I also realized that my husband had the most paranoid/ Controlling/ ADHD/ extreme temper behaviors that the never really noticed before... So, here I am in a daily basis, not knowing what mood my husband will be in, whether he will fly off the handle over burnt toast, I ‘m feeling anxious even before I get out of bed, I feel stressed every single day and I put a fake smile on my face. We are together 24/7.... we have our own business, he doesn’t want me to get my own job, I have no friends....

I have been seriously thinking I want my old life back, I am so so tired of feeling anxious and stressed on a daily basis. I still love my husband but not enough to live like this, does that make sense? My husband has told me during arguments that if I am not happy I should pack up and leave, maybe I should, I just know I am not happy, I feel like I am living a lie and I feel lost.... I want my own space to do nothing, not be constantly on the go like i am now. I just don’t know what to do or where to start.

Thankyou for listening

take care

Jayne

[Lori44]

Croix, I am a single woman, 75 years old and have been abandoned by my only relative in Australia because I do not "fit in". I have suffered from anxiety and social phobia all my life and now am having bad dreams nearly every night so I wake up feeling awful. I do not have the energy to keep my small studio flat clean and tidy and have no one to talk to as none of my neighbours are anything like me. My interests are intellectual but because of my social situation - alone and in low cost accommodation, I never meet the kind of people who would share my interests. Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up and not have to deal with my unusual health problems - chronic fatigue, blepheritis, severe dry eye syndrome and incontinence, as well as anxiety and depression. I just escape from the world by reading and watching news and documentaries on TV. I don't have the energy to go and talk to health professionals. I have delayed phase sleep disorder so don't sleep till 1 or 2 int he morning, wake up about 11am feeling awful and don't start feeling better till mid afternoon, so I'm a social outcast in "early rising" australia.

[Croix]

Dear Juliet_84, (with a wave to Petals)~

I've shamelessly pinched your words for the Quotes thread. Looking back over a long life I very much wish I'd realized that many yours earlier, I'd be happier with myself now if I had

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Lost1975~

I don't think I need to say much here. Tony and Katy have given you good advice in your own thread

Forums / Relationship and family issues / Need support Not sure what to do.

The fact you have the strengthen and determination to leave an abusive relationship will be a great encouragement to the many in that situation who read but do not write (some may be too frightened to).

I think it is really lovely you take your daughter's needs to the extent you do, and will even remain in the small town to allow for her budding relationship.

You have a lot of love - and common sense - to go with your strenght. You may find it hard to believe after your experiences but there are good people out there (I've been blessed), and you deserve one as well

Croix

[Petals54]

Hello everyone,

Hope all is ok with you all. I haven’t posted in a while as I have had BP issues. The latest with me is that today was pretty much ch the day, hubby went off, I screamed at him back and said I cannot deal with this any more, he said we’ll leave then, I saw d alright I will.... I had my bags packed ready to go, then he comes to me and says I don’t have to leave, he then puts a guilt trip on me and says think very carefully on what your decision will be as there is no turning back and you will be throwing away a lot!!!! The bottom line is that he wants me to stay, I ( hand slap to the forehead) decided to stay on the proviso that the next thing that he goes off about I will leave with no hesitation!!!! I feel so emotionally drained and stressed and such a coward to myself!

i feel like a complete failure and once again played his game and given him what he wants!

Petals 54

[Croix]

Dear Petals54~

I'd not consider it a failure, just another step. His saying there is no going back gives away his determination for control at all costs and no regard for you. Can I suggest you think on that? It might make you angry. A thirst for power and an ultimatum rather than concern with love offering another chance after you left if you ever wanted to return.

I've found at times anger has helped me do what I would not do otherwise.

So this particular time there was not quite enough for you to go though with leaving. Each time you have the experiences of what went on before adding up, you will get there. The tipping point will not be much, maybe just anger or resentment.

No cowardice, no failure, you are doing one of the most difficult things a person can do, and there is no way you can do it without setbacks.You do have bravery, if not you would meekly always comply without thoughts of resistance and independence.

Croix

[Petals54]

Hello Croix,

Thank You for your reply. Yes, you could say I was brave as this was the closest I came to really leaving and I think he was shocked I had actually got a suitcase partially packed. I told him repeatedly that I loved him but couldn’t live with him, at no time yesterday afternoon did he once say he loved me, just that he wanted me to stay.

This morning it’s just awkward to say the very least, no real talking, just small talk and no usual affection or funny talk... time will tell what happens next.

Thanks again Croix

Petals 54

[Croix]

Dear Petals54~

Of course you are brave, anyone can see that.

This is a problem that has several facets, the possibility of leaving only being one. What do you think if you put that on the back burner for a little while and concentrated in getting a job you wanted, then thought more about the situation then?

As you are well aware it can take quite a while to sort thngs out. You talked to 1800RESPECT a while ago, maybe it is time for another general chat with them? Maybe they will talk about your buttons being pressed, after all a $900 bracelet is most probably a means of gettng you to feel guilty and obligated, not a token of love.

Croix

[Petals54]

Hello Croix,

Once again thank you for your reply. Yes, I could put leaving on the back burner but as it stands the atmosphere here is less than ideal as he has made it his mission I feel to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible. He has said to me that he is going to be nice and fluffy so that my Blood Pressure doesn’t suffer but he still questions me when I haven’t kissed him this morning... I feel like I am being punished for wanting something for myself.

I am even more determined to find a job and have put applications in, have more resume handy, so even if I do leave I will be prepared of sorts. Yes, I will be contacting 1800 RESPECT ASAP.

Thanks Croix

Petals54

[Croix]

Dear Petals~

Excuse me for being direct. Of course you are being punished. Not only did you go against him by getting ready to leave but it is, I beleive, part of another strategy - nice words to build you up with hope, then behave badly, while blaming you to bring you down, hopefully blaming yourself. A means of control.

Does that make sense?

I'm impressed you are continuing with the job search, it is important for all sorts of reasons, not just financial independence but freedom, self worth and a new world to deal with.

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Lori44~

I'm wondering if you have been able to make your own thread, I saw Sophie_M give you directions but have not found it yet if you have made one.

I agree it can be a confusing.

One way to do it is to scroll right up this page, towards the top right above the big light-blue Topic: Not A Happy Place you will see in tiny writing

Forums / Relationship and family issues / Not in a Happy Place

Click on the word Forums

This takes you to the page with the big light-blue Online Forums heading

Scroll down the page until you see Anxiety in red tiny writing

Click on Anxiety

This takes you to the Online Forums - Anxiety page

Over on the right is a big green rectangle labeled New Thread

Just click on this and you have started.

I hope this is of help, I'd hate you to be so discouraged as to give up, we will get there

Croix