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Not enjoying being a second time mum

mamaof2girls
Community Member
I have now a 3.5yr old and a 9week old baby.. at the moment I am hating motherhood.. things have been fine however I am absolutely hating the lack of freedom with a new baby.. I was so used to having an older child that I could take anywhere anytime.. but now.. the thought of taking the little one out gives me anxiety. Not only does she scream as soon as she’s put into the car, I’m so terrified of mucking up her routine that I just don’t and haven’t been anywhere except at home. What is wrong with me? Why do I hate being a mother? I know this will end and she’ll grow up and it’ll be all different again but at the moment I just can’t enjoy my girls or my family nor myself.. I’m not my happy self and I’m really disliking how I’m feeling.
2 Replies 2

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

mamaof2girls,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for writing your first post.

Going from one baby to two can take a while to adjust. All of a sudden you have two people to look after and I can understand how being used to and independent 3 .5 year old and then having a tiny baby to look after can seem very restrictive and tiring.

There is nothing wrong with you, you are trying to cope with a big change.

If other mothers were as honest as you are you would find you are not alone.

Do you know another mum who has a baby and a toddler or anyone who could help you go for a walk. Or could you go for a walk to the nearest park .

What are you worried about will happen if you muck up the babys routine.? I realise routines are important but could you fit in a short outing around your baby's routine.

Are you part of a mothers group? Can you partner help you leave the house?

You realise things will change and I know it is difficult now.

Is your 3 year old very kind with her baby sister?

I do remember being tired when my second child was born and my first child wa sonly 2 and jealous and I needed to protect the baby, but at times when I was feeding the baby and my first child was 'reading' a book to her sibling., I felt content and the effort was worthwhile.

What do you think would need to change for you to feel like your happy self.?

Thanks for sharing your story and I am sure other people with more recent experience of being a mum than I have.

Feel free to post as much as you like.

Quirky

Anxioussinglemum
Community Member

Hi mamaof2girls,

I completely relate to what you are saying, however my story differs in the fact that I was exactly like you have described but it was happening for me after I had my first (and only) child 4 yrs ago. I barely left the house and when I did I became so anxious that I didn't enjoy it because I was constantly worried when my baby was going to cry next. Driving in the car was so stressful because I felt I had to stop the car every time she cried. I was totally freaked out. Anyways, my point is, I eventually got help when she was 8 weeks old, and was treated for Post Natal Depression. Once the medication kicked in, it was only a low dose as I was breast feeding, I felt a million times better. I felt like I could breathe again, I didn't feel trapped in the house, or trapped by my anxiety or by her routine, I could deal with the sleepless nights a little better. I have since updated my medication, in consultation with my GP, to something more suitable as I no-longer have to breast feed, and I regularly see my psychologist. I finally formed a bond with my daughter, it took me a 12-18mths for this to start happening but I persevered, and finally started to feel better within myself and not so worrisome all the time. It might be worth seeing your GP about this and speaking with your Child Health Nurse about it as well, they sometimes have some good info.

Another thing you need to do is do something for you, when you can, try and get some time just for you. If you can get partner/friend/family member to step in for a couple of hours occasionally would be great, remember distance makes the heart grow fonder, allow yourself a little time to miss your girls, you will then love those little hugs and kisses when you get home, or after you get up from an uninterrupted nap. It was difficult for me in this respect as we had only recently moved to the area for my work I hadn't made close friendships and we were not near family and my partner wasn't the best at stepping up and taking over so I could get away or take the occasional nap, but I definitely would have appreciated a little more time to myself if I could have got my hands on it!

Hopefully you start to feel a bit better. Hope I have been of some help for you.