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Community Member
Hi all, I'm hoping there are some people out there going through similar. To try and give the run down in a short space, I have been married 9 years and have two children. I had an unplanned pregnant almost 2 years ago and my husband freaked out about the financial implications. We ended up having an abortion and put simply,it has destroyed me. The guilt is imeasurable and I have never forgiven myself in spite of the fact that I had extensive counselling in the lead up and after and felt as though it was my own decision. I've since been very disappointed with my husband's handling of my grief and subsequent diagnosis of depression and feel unsupported and unhappy. We haven't had sex for 2 years and fight constantly. I want a trial separation but we can't afford two places. I've really struggled to manage my depression since and the medication I've been prescribed has little ef effect. I need a way to pullmyself out of the sadness.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

firstly, never let anyone tell you how to grieve. Of course you are sad, and confused by that sadness, because despite how logical and right our decisions are, for a lot of us our hormones and drives are keyed to giving life.

You did make the right decision, but you still need that space and support and love that anyone who makes a hard decision needs.

I don't think society is very gifted in supporting pregnancy loss in any form. We have expectations placed on us to just get over it. You and I and many woman know it just isn't that easy.


Community Member

All I could think when I read this was what a brave, courageous and loving mum you are. I have never been in your situation so can't begin to imagine how you are feeling.

I do know though that the the right choice is often the hardest heart choice - and my heart hurt beside yours reading this.

If you can find any space (harder than it sounds I know) I can not recommend running enough - not active-wear-wearing-pony-tail-swinging running but just putting on a supportive bra (set of headphones with some music you love optional) and running as hard as you can for as far as you can and then walking for a bit - mostly so you can blow your nose (with the tissue you should definitely take along tucked into said bra) and then running really hard again. Even just for 10 minutes down your road. Not for the sake of exercising - but for the sake of acting out the running away you can't do in the big picture right now. It doesn't fix anything completely but it really helps me when I'm feeling trapped (which is often). Sending much love xx