Newbie - The low down...
Hi, so this is my first post and it feels weird but I feel I need advice maybe, support maybe, maybe I just wanna feel respected, I don't know! I just feel a little lost. So here's the low down.. I've been Married for over 7 years now, I have a 1 year old and am now pregnant with my second, 14 weeks along. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 4 years ago now, saw a psychologist then a psychiatrist who put me on meds and who did help me a lot! It took me a good 2 years before I did anything about what I was going through. I couldn't sleep and when I did I'd wake then toss and turn the rest of the night. When I did wake I'd wake shaking and jittery. I kept thinking I was dying, actually I convinced myself I was. Short of breath, heavy in the chest, dizziness, heart racing to the point doctors put me on heart meds to slow it down. I had to see a cardiologist cause they thought it was my heart..so you can imagine my anxiety! The panic attacks were terrible! After I got the help I needed I got better but the last few weeks have been real hard, I'm crying at least once a day! I feel I have no support from my husband, most times I feel I can't talk to him and when I do, he's like what's wrong now? Why are you crying? Get over it, geez you whinge a lot and that's just the start! He has said a lot of things to put me down and make me feel worthless. Early on he had a real bad temper, screaming at me throwing stuff, punching and kicking walls and back then I was very clear that he needed to get help or I was leaving! He did get help and he's a lot better now. I was terrified of him, I'd leave the front door unlocked just in case. But like he says, that's the past I guess and he has changed. I'm just feeling so alone, like no one understands me. I want his support and respect but I just don't feel it and looking after a 1 year old, being pregnant with the next and trying to manage things at home it's just so hard, exhausting! I don't want to leave the house most days. And I'm kind of feeling like my son doesn't want to be around me now he always goes to his dad. Not to mention my husbands mum irritates me I just can't tolerate her and I really don't want to see her anymore nor do I want my kids around her.. She's always making absurd comments toward me. If I mention it to my husband he never makes a stance for me but instead tells me to grow thicker skin. And that my family is no better. I'm sick of feeling lonely, sad, upset all the time..
3 Replies 3
Hello there beautiful mummy welcome. I'm so sorry your feeling so alone right now but your not u have come to the right place for support and help and im so very proud of you for doing so. Bc u r feeling like no one is listening i hope u can find the strength to take matters into ur own hands and start keeping a journal this will help you to get stuff out instead of bottling it up inside. I would also c if u can get back to seeing ur psyciatrist to give some well deserved help. You have all of us here and the counselors on the bb hotline who r available for u. Sometimes when others just cant understand what we r going thru its hard for them to know what to do but being your hubby i know you feel he should be more supportive of you im hoping he will understand for the sake of getting you help. Please come back to me we r here for you sweetheart xx Venessa
Hi Venessa, thank you so much for your reply. As I was reading it it made me tear up.. I am a bit of a softie! It's just nice to know that someone understands and cares enough. Sometimes I think my feelings are silly and wonder if the problem is me.. Is my thought process correct, am I over reacting. A big issue for us is money as I'm at home with the little one and he's out working and there's the constant stress of will we be able to pay the mortgage or how can we afford this and that.. It's not getting any easier and it puts a lot of strain on our relationship. I like to talk about things and try and sort stuff out, but it has to suit him, when he wants and only if it doesn't concern him. I really thought I could handle it but I've lost my happiness.. As for the psychiatrist they are ultra pricey and where we are at the moment we just can't afford it. I must admit the psychologist did nothing for me, in fact we did couples counselling and she made me feel like I was completely wrong and how I needed to change for my hubby!! What the???!
Hi beautiful no you don't need to change for anyone i would like you to make use of the bb hotline the online counselors r there to help you and support you when ur feeling like things r getting hard to handle we r all here for you im more than happy to chat to u anytime babexx i definitely understand my hubby has chrons disease when we had our house in the country dating back nearly 6 yrs ago now i was working in the city so i was traveling 3hrs everyday. My boss was never paying me what he was supposed to be paying me my petrol expenses were hefty hence had no money to live or pay any of the bills so fair to say i was in over my head. My hubby started to get sick by this point and was needing surgery i just had to sell up and come back into the city and rent and just take things from there. So i gues my point to you is if this is something u need to look into to eliviate the financial pressure because of it then don't feel guilty into exploring further options. Banks r never easy to please completely money hungry if you ask me. We r both on a pension as i am his full time carer and I also care for my son he is 3 and diagnosed with severe autism so yeah life ain't easy but we mummas have to just push on i think. Ur thoughts r never silly believe me when we r experiencing hard and stressful times everything becomes clouded so its safe to say ur definitely not overreacting. Please keep in touch with us would love to hear more from you xx Venessa