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new love and lost

trish_k
Community Member

hi everyone, i met a man who i study with after many years of trust issues and coming from an abusive background i finally opened my heart and let someone in.. fell hard for him he is amazing but unfortunately things turned bad for him and now we can't be together.. he is currently looking after a very close female friend who tried to end her but she is okay tho. he wants us to be on hold till he can help her which is actually my idea but it hurts soo much.. triggered a lot of ptsd. after talking with him today it sounds like we won't be able to be together. i understand that but it hurts so much.. i want him to do the right thing and he is but i feel like u sacrificed my happiness for someone eles's and it hurts like hell. i miss him i miss talking with him i miss his arms around me.. we haven't had any intimate moment yet but the cuddles and talks were magical. i just never thought i could love again and now even before it started it's lost. i feel soo broken after years of being single i finally met some i really like and then something happens and i'm in pain again. i am praying she feels better soon so we can hang out again i miss him.

2 Replies 2

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Trish

Hello and welcome to the forum. Love and trust are bound up in each other and when one goes the other usually goes as well. Unfortunately you have had sad experiences here and find it difficult to trust anyone. I am so sorry that you have had so much sorrow in your life. I can understand your hurt and loneliness now that your man has left.

May I ask you a couple of questions? Why does your man feel he needs to continue helping this other woman now that she has survived her suicide attempt? We do a great many things for our friends, including taking care of them when they are unwell, but if the carer has a partner both can help.

And then to break off your friendship for her, is asking a lot. Is there more going on here than you have said? I am a bit suspicious. But whatever his reason you are left hurting and lonely and probably vowing not to trust anyone again. Would that be right?

I can see why your PTSD has been triggered again. Trust is not easily given and when you feel betrayed it is overwhelming. Did you ever have any counselling after the abuse? And if so, did it help? I wonder if you could return to this counsellor for a few visits. If your counsellor is not available or you did not receive counselling, can you ask your GP to refer you to someone. Normally I would not suggest someone attend counselling after the end of a relationship, but this has been more hurtful because of your past.

What are you studying? Will you be able to continue studying with him? How as it affected that part of your life? Having something worthwhile to work at can help you forget your grief for a short time and I encourage you to continue.

I know how it feels to be alone. I separated from my husband 16 years ago. I miss being held and comforted when I need someone to care. Friends are very good to me but it's not the same as the closeness of marriage.

Do you work as well as study? What do you do? As I said above, having a task to do can help to stem the grief. It won't make your pain go away but will give you some much needed rest. Keep to your usual routines as these will help you stay on your feet.

I would love to hear from you again. Please use this forum to 'vent' about anything. Someone will be here.

Mary

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Trish, I hope that you are still checking your post because Mary has replied very well.
You have met a partner who you really like perhaps even starting to love him or do love him, but he has made a choice between you and the person who tried to end her life, which is really lovely for him to do, however it has now separated the both of you, but now that she is OK can he return back to you and have someone else look after her, but I wonder whether or not she was jealous of him being with you.
I'm not suggesting this at all, but do you know how she has been feeling over the last 6 months.
As much as you miss him and want him back he has to make that decision, you or this other girl, and you have to remember that although we don't want anyone to hurt themselves, it's something which we can never control on what happens, so the question you need to ask him is whether he can let someone look after her, or whether she will be OK by herself, and for him to answer this last comment is does he want to leave her, so again it's a choice whether it's you or whether it's her. Geoff. x