New here

Crushing · ‎21-09-2017

This Is harder than I thought. Long story short, my husbands family Is destroying him. He has developed a panic disorder due to an incedent SIX months ago, involving his entire immediate family. His youngest sister's partner was a pig to him. When both he and i stood up for ourselves, he was harrassed, pursued and threatended. His little sister attacked me physically, I did not retaliate. The vicious rumours and bullying have spiraled.

There was a text from his middle sister at 7.30am this morning that sent me into the mother of all panic attacks (I myself am clinically depressed and suffer an anxiety disorder}. It was victim blaming, guilt tripping, false and cruel. Ultimately, I decided to delete it after franticly whispering to my mother over the phone. She had no advice for me, not for lack of trying and care.

I'm freaking out, I have never lied or kept things form my husband before, believe it or not. These words would have broken him, of this I'm sure.

Now I'm trembling uncontrollably, the smoke and drink barely make a dent. He's at work right now, due home In an hour. I'm terrified that he will come home home In a state and there will be nothing I can do to cease his pain.

Please, please! Someone try and guide me.

Blue_Jane · ‎21-09-2017

Hi Crushing

Sorry to hear that things are difficult that at the moment. Did your partner get any support from his GP or a counsellor six months ago when there was the incident?

Not good about the text today. A positive is that you have your mum to share things with.

I would try to stop thinking about the text - you have deleted it and made the decision not to tell him about it. Can you focus on something else?

Keen to hear more about your depression and anxiety. How do you keep it in check? What works for you when you have a flare up?

Blue Jane

MsPurple · ‎21-09-2017

Hi Crushing and welcome to the BB forums

Sorry to year your family is causing so much stress to yourself and your husband. It sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I know you never keep things to your husband, but it sounds like this is something he may not be able to handle right now. I think he would understand why you are not telling him now (you may in future decide to discuss it, but for now I would leave it and try not feel guilty about it). Family can be a great support, but unfortnatly not all family is like that. It sounds like you and your husband are supportive of each other but unfortunatley sounds like the rest of his family is not. Have you considered having a break from them? I know this may not be possible, but have you considered blocking their number? You can do this on your smart phone. I know in apple you go to contacts, edit and at the bottom it says block contact. I do this for telimarketers that won't leave me alone. You can always unblock it later. I am not sure if this is an option, but it maybe something to discuss with your husband if it is really causing problems.

Have you and your husband seeing a therapist about this? It maybe worth doing as they can help you deal with all the stress and they maybe able to give more specific, personalized advice and strategies on how to confront the situation.

MP

Crushing · ‎21-09-2017

Hi Blue Jane,

He has been to the GP at least 3/4 times since. The good news Is that his Psychologist appoinment Is this coming month. We tried valium, but that almost became a total dependency. He was hesitant about anitdepressants and ultimately decided to pass on them.

So, when I'm down in it these days, I keep reminding myself that this is chemical. It's not me, it's not my fault. This shall pass. It's taken 23 years for this "coping mechanism" to manifest. I also like to lose myself In planning and small end goals, distraction really does it for me. Also, Prozac. After all these years and medications, It has been my one constant.

Feel free to prod me for more, and thankyou for your response.

Crushing · ‎22-09-2017

Hi Ms Purple and thank you for your advice.

He arrived home this evening and his sister had continued to barrage him. Honestly, he seemed more sure and confident about everything today than he has been for a while. I think this Is finally acceptance.

I told him everything and of course he understood, he gets it. I love him so much.

We have call barred all of them and blocked them online. Now we will focus on ourselves, our own family, and leave this all behind us.

It always seems so simple In retrospect..

Thank you again

Crushing · ‎22-09-2017

Sorry Jane,

I had replied to you first, though I think I may have mentioned the name of a medication, so I guess It might have been disallowed? I promise to answer your questions when the sun Is up.

Your support Is so very appreciated.

SMYN · ‎22-09-2017

It is much harder to put your family aside because there is a lot of loving there. It has taken me many years to be able to do this. I have each member of my family in a "shoebox"in my head. I can take them out and look at them but I know it is going to hurt me if I do, so I've learnt to leave them in there, leave them alone. Somewhere along the line, the lack of argueing, the insults, the repeated bad memories, faded away as I learnt not to think of them. Now if I have to have contact, the pain fades faster. Now if I could learn to do this with my children and learn to live just with my husband, making the rest of the world go away, I might get to a different life. Best of Luck with yours. Hold on tight to your husband. Together you will protect your children and I have no doubt that as a family, you will be more at peace. It won't happen quickly but it can be done, just find some shoeboxes.