New Dad/Husband Struggling With Anger Issues

Guest6093 · ‎07-01-2017

Hi everyone,

I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger over very petty things (such as shoes being left where they shouldn't, things not being cleaned, etc) and I sort of become furious without being able to release it. The problem is, my wife can feel the brunt of my energy and it really gets her down.

The issue is, we are struggling for money as it is and I can't afford to go see anyone at the moment. I find on days that I run in the mornings that it certainly helps release what I need it to. On other days, I find myself telling myself that it's meaningless and not worth getting angry over and I do some deep breathing and it passes. However, most days at the moment I am struggling to get rid of it and as you can imagine as a new mother of a 5-month-old it is the last thing my wife needs to deal with.

Does anyone have any suggestions or links or videos or meditations they know of that have helped them deal with such anger issues?

Thank you in advance.

pipsy · ‎07-01-2017

Hi Guest_6093. Have you seen a Dr for possible diagnosis of OCD? Often with this insidious illness, certain things that irk the sufferer are not seen as problems to others who don't have any issues. I'm not suggesting for one minute you have this illness, but it might be a thought to see a Dr for a diagnosis. We all have to deal with things that irritate us, but to get really angry over shoes being left out, or dishes left in the sink, suggests something could be causing your anger issues. There are others on the forums with more experience with OCD, who may be able to guide you in a better way. I think you can get a Mental health plan from your Dr which would enable you for so many visits.

Lynda

Apollo_Black · ‎07-01-2017

Hi "Guest". How does your wife feel the brunt of your anger? From what you're saying it sounds like a lot of passive aggressiveness. So you're not actually communicating how you're feeling. Your keeping it inside and lashing out in other ways. Little stuff upsets you. So what about everything else? How's the relationship with your wife? How long have you been married? Did you plan for pregnancy? Is your money situation a new thing or a long term demon? Was this anger an issue prior to your daughter's arrival? Is everyone in the household completely sleep deprived? Are you 5 days a week working?

Personally I would go and talk with a professional first up (GP then mental health plan to reduce the $$ burden). But if you have NO money then that's an issue. Then I would cut myself some slack, do the bare minimum at work, spend time with the family as much as possible, ignore the shoes (put them away myself) and give it another 6 months just to adjust to parenthood. Unfortunately the history you've provided is just too vague to warrant any further advice...

Guest6093 · ‎14-01-2017

We are very open and communicative, however she feels like I want to much love and attention. I can be melodramatic and self-centered but I don't want to bourden her with all of my negative, angry feelings especially when we both know a lot of the reaction I have is to small, silly things. The relationship is fine, we are certainly meant to be together and 100% committed. Been together 3 years (it's my first relationship) and we have a 6 month old. I have been in and out of work for the majority of that time. My main job I had was making me feel incredibly depressed so I quit thinking I could find something else and now I've transitioned into a new career. The anger has always been there. Some nights I find myself up at 2-3 in the morning and can't sleep. Added to which I have been hired in a new job but no one will give me any details on how many hours or payment I'm getting and it's a casual 3 month trial. I think the pressure of fatherhood and trying to provide while being buffered around by employers has been a big thing too. Hope that helps, but I appreciate your advice.

geoff · ‎14-01-2017

hello, what happens in a marriage is that sometimes one person doesn't feel as though they are getting quite enough attention for what they want, however there could be many reasons why this doesn't happen, and when you have a 5 month old baby, then all her attention is with the baby, so at times this could cause the father to get upset and maybe develop PND, because little treatment is given back to you.
Couple this with lack of finaces creates big problems, however it's good that at times you can find exercising helpful, but then there will be times when you won't want to do this, so these could be when you do get angry.
You know that this is your first relationship, and now have a baby, that's a big difference to being on your own, you have to share everything with your wife and baby now, so maybe it could be a result of shock, but this does also happen when the first baby arrives.
Your future hasn't been settled yet in regards to your work, and by being on a 3 month trial is only going to make you anxious, but don't forget that your wife could be receiving centrelink payments as well as you working, so that's something to look into, if it hasn't already happened.
I would suggest you visit your doctor because there are a couple of medications which will be able to help you with this anger problem, I'm not allowed to mention any brand names as it's against the BB rules, but hope yu can get back to us. Geoff.

pipsy · ‎14-01-2017

Hey Guest. Your new job is doing nothing to alleviate your anger as you have absolutely no set routine about anything. Perhaps, unconsciously you are taking home the anger you feel from an uncertain future and your wife is feeling the brunt of something she can't 'fix'. The shoes being left out are adding to your pressure from this job which doesn't sound terribly right for you. You seem to be someone who needs structure which isn't a bad thing, but this job isn't giving you the structure you need. You possibly need a bit of reassurance from her that her love is total because that would give you some security which definitely isn't there. Because you're feeling alone in your job etc, this is adding to your insecurities. Can you let her know how you feel about this job and maybe look at getting something that has some structure so you would feel less anxious. You also possibly accepted this job as you were a bit anxious after being unemployed for that length of time. My son has just decided to leave his present job after only a few months as he too feels it's not 'him'. He is married and felt he was letting his wife down by quitting so soon. He too had been unemployed for a while so felt he had to take what was offered. However being happy with yourself and your job makes for more harmony at home.

Lynda