Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

New and confused with my relationships

Community Member

Hey guys

ok a very brief overview of my situation... I have been married for 23yrs and have been unhappy for the last 10yrs... i left 18mths ago but He wants the family back...I have been seeing someone who is married and is unhappy too... he hasn’t left his wife yet but says he is only there for the kids... I’m confused at what I should be doing.. I know it sounds so wrong... any advise would be much appreciated... thanks

9 Replies 9

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Southernskyes,

Sorry it has taken some time for you to get a response. Please know it’s not a reflection on you at all but just accidental. Thank you so much for your patience...

I hope it’s okay if I extend a caring welcome to you to the forums. My personal experience here has been a hugely positive one of compassion and kindness.

You sound very torn and uncertain. Your marriage sounds like it was very rocky or at least for the past 10 years...it must have been painful.

I must confess that I am personally a bit of a walking disaster story when it comes to relationships so I’m always very hesitant to give relationship advice. I will say that I think relationships, and marriage for that matter, are generally very complex. I think it’s easy for “onlookers” (like me) to say this and that but the reality is really only the people directly involved in the relationship know what’s going on...I suppose what I’m trying to express is I feel no one is here to “judge” you. Rather, we are here to try to understand and offer support. I’m certainly not judging you if that helps reassure you a little...

My personal thoughts is I wonder what it is you want (or perhaps you’re still figuring it out) e.g. I know your ex wants to get back together but is that what you want too? Also, I wonder how you feel about the man you’re currently seeing?

Sorry, I’m not trying to pry and you don’t have to answer me but they’re mostly just questions for you to consider in private (if you like).

It would be great to hear from you again but only if you feel comfortable writing more. Just know you’re always welcome here.

Caring thoughts,


Welcome Southernskyes to the forums. It is definitely a judgment free place where you can express your feelings and seek support and advice.

I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, chronically single for 16+ years, so I’m certainly not an expert in the area.

I tend to agree with Pepper though. You need to think about what you want and what makes you happy. It could be that neither man are treating you with the love and respect you deserve to live a happy, fulfilling life together. It sounds like your marriage was an unhappy place and it sounds like the new man isn’t willing to commit to you. What do you want out of a relationship? Your needs should be the most important thing 🙂

Thanks for all the information.. I am not sure if I want to go back to my ex... I do love the new man in my life but not sure if he feels the same since he hasn’t left his wife...

Thanks so much... I want to be happy.. feel loved and appreciated... I want to be able to be me as well...

Hi Southernskes,

Thank you for writing and back and you’re most welcome 🙂

I think it’s great to hear from you again.

It sounds like it’s a very difficult place for you to be right now and you must have a lot on your mind. It must be hard loving someone but not knowing exactly where you stand with him. That would be very painful...

It’s completely up to you but I wonder if you would be willing to perhaps discuss how the man you’re currently seeing feels about your future with him. It doesn’t have to be “right now” of course but perhaps a consideration at some point in the future...

Sorry, I’m only suggesting it because it must be hard to have to deal with so much uncertainty and confusion especially as you love him. In saying that, it’s purely a suggestion so you don’t have to take it on board. I’m just sharing my thoughts so I hope that’s okay.

Caring thoughts as I know you’re doing it tough...


I read this and asked him straight out... he wants a relationship and too spend the rest of his life with me but not quiet yet.... he isn’t ready to give up his kids

Hi southernskyes,

I find it interesting reading your story.

How do you feel about what your friend wants?

What does it mean that he isn't ready to give up his kid yet?Why would he have to give them up if he lived with you- surely he could see his children 50% of the time.?

Sorry for the questions. I realise this is a very difficult decision for you. It is hard working out what makes you happy and how to be your most relaxed self.


HI, May i ask how old are his kids, if they are young I can understand but if they are teenagers or young adults there shouldn't be a problem surely you don't live to far away as for him not to have visiting rites?


kids are 12, 9 and 8

we live about 15minutrs apart

i can understand why he loves his kids so much but he also loves mine as welll....