Need to talk, but no one to talk to!

[S18]

Hi guys, 

I'm new to this website and I have joined seeking someone to listen and to confide in as at the moment I feel like their is just no one I can speak to about what I am currently going through!

I have a lot of friends but not any that I can properly talk to and confide in until I met my boss. We first started chatting and it was just about work etc and slowly the chat got more and more off topic and we became really close friends. He is honestly the only person I feel like I can just be myself with and talk to about anything besides my partner. As this relationship grew strong naturally some feelings started to pop up (more on his behalf , but a bit on mine too)  and he made it pretty clear to me that he finds it too hard for us to chat all the time like we have done for so long because he wants more. 

We decided after a long chat that it would be in both of our best interests that we text  and talk less and only see each other at work (once a week) or in small groups so their was no temptations ( I am engaged happily with a baby). And while I thought this was going to be hard and sad as we spoke so regularly I accepted because that's what needed to happen.

last night I received a message from him saying that it was the last message he would be sending me ever and that he was deleting my number following the message and request for me to do the same also. I'm feeling absolutely gutted that we can go from being such good best friends to him cutting all ties and going to the extent of deleting my number and being so harsh in doing so. It's like there is a piece of me missing and honestly my heart actually hurts and I'm just on the verge of crying all the time. I can't talk to my partner or my family because of the feelings that were shared and I don't want my partner to get cross with him. And most of my other friends are work colleagues and really shouldn't know about this. 

I don't know if I'm being silly or what but

I' m just feeling so low and hurting inside and I really just needed to tell someone that would listen
 

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[S18]

But Geoff the talks are back how they used to be close!  And we are pretty much having the same relationship as before.  And the other girl was always in the picture as she is close to both of us (it's kind of the 3 of us at work) but she didn't know the extent of our relationship until recently.

so everything should be fine right? And I'm hanging out for this heavy feeling to go away but for some reason it's not! 

[Doolhof]

Dear S18

Hi. May I suggest that if you have chats with this guy, if at all possible you include the other lady as well, that way the conversation will stay on a safe road. That might be a good idea for the beginning, so new boundaries can be set and you and this guy know where the limit is with your conversations.

It is wonderful that he has decided to be in contact with you again. Hopefully you have both learnt how important the friendship is between you both and that you do not want to mess it up by having intimate thoughts about each other. If the discussions start to get a bit too close to being about each other sharing affections, then one of you will need to say something or walk out of the room.

I am suspecting you are feeling very confused because a trust has been broken, you have been hurt by all that has happened and you are feeling confused about what has taken place. Maybe you are a little unsure of how to proceed from here as you do not want to feel hurt again.

Take small steps. Your relationship will never be the same as it was in the past. This thing has happened between you both, You have the opportunity now to start over with a clear view of how you want this friendship to be, that feelings for each other can not happen anymore if the friendship is to continue as a friendship only.

I hope this is making some sense to you. I will be around for a couple more days and then I will be on holidays to a place which has limited if no internet connection. I want to wish you all the very best with restoring this friendship on solid foundations so you can help and support each other, be friends, and just friends.

I will check again later to see if you have posted how you are getting on. Cheers for now from Dools.

[geoff]

dear S18, thanks for your reply, and what Dools has indicated and I agree with, 'the trust has been broken', I am going to mention and a couple of issues here which you may or may not be concerned about, and please keep replying back to us, so that we can ease your mind.

If this other lady has the desires for your boss and wants to draw his attention away from you, then there will be problems, and I don't want to mention these just yet, I just want to see if you want to reply, and the other concern is he might play you both off, meaning that he may tell her everything, either by choice or by her asking him everything.

I don't want to alarm you in anyway, because this is an open conversation and we want to help you. L Geoff. x