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Hi guys so over two weeks ago after breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to go talk to a psychologist. I thought considering the year from hell I had with my ex wife and then starting a new relationship I needed to talk to someone to gain closure on everything. I’ve had 2 visits so far. Massive thing for me to talk about myself as I’m very stubborn. But I did it. I had decided after the break up of me and my gf I can’t sit around and focus on her any longer she decided to end things and she hurt me. She just ended it because she has issues going on in her life and can’t focus on us I thought that was a really poor reasoning as I’ve had a crap year and still have given her the best version of me despite all my set backs. I decided that I needed to focus on myself. She went and blocked me on Facebook and basically shut me out completely I thought after finding this out the best thing was to let it go so I have. I’ve seen met another girl who I ended up meeting last Saturday and I guess you could say it was a date. On meeting I had grown this instant attraction to her I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. We both seem to really like one another and that my problem is she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment even though I secretly think she does deep down. She told me she only wants friends atm but did say every relationship starts with a friendship. I guess I’m one of these people that is very impatient and I really like this girl I know that I could jeopardise things if I pushed the issue with a relationship but I think she does want one it’s just this level of shyness or maybe taking that leap. I mean she wants to do a fwb’s thing be really great friends but with the benefits. I mean I’m happy to do this but I have very strong feelings for her. I know we’ve only just met and it might seem crazy but the heart and mind are a wonderful thing. I guess what I’m looking for is do I tell her how I feel so I tell her that we should just be a couple life’s too short or do I just play it safe and keep building our friendship and go from there. Any help would be appreciated thank you
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Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Steves_87,

You sound like a caring and emotionally available guy, which is really lovely. I’m so glad that you have found that spark after the troubles that you have had this year with the breakdown of your marriage and breakup of your subsequent relationship. It is an intoxicating feeling, that initial spark of chemistry, and can make us do crazy things. Realistically, it would be a wise idea to take things slowly as you are quite vulnerable right now after every thing has happened, particularly to getting hurt. If this new girl is also afraid of commitment and getting hurt, at least at the start, it may also help you to avoid scaring her off. However, I know how intoxicating things can feel right now and it’s a very difficult thing for most people to control. I have always found that people will do what they will in this situation and it will either work or it won’t, there’s no real way to predict it. So I wish you luck!