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Need help: I Lie to those closest to me and I have to stop

Community Member

Hello. I have been caught out lying to a very close friend of mine that I want to go into business with and I can not stop myself from lying even when I am screaming in my head to stop and know it is wrong. I have grown up having to lie a lot to hide things about my family to other family members and friends and I just hate knowning I will lie and that I have been brought up that it is ok to lie to save face or to not let anyone know what the problem is. I also lied for a very long time about what happened to me physically as a child so that has not helped and this amazing person is the person I opened up to as well.

I just want to stop lying and be happy and honest. I am seeing a therapist but I keep putting it off and just got to go and see him as regular as I can I just feel so much shame and guilt from so much of my life that I distract myself and cancel/put off important things like seeing my therapist.

Just looking for a path out of no mans land where I feel I am atm I got to stop lying it is what I need to do just I keep blocking myself and taking the easy way out.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Hildjborn

Ooh, lying. You must find your life so difficult..... How can you keep up with everything you say. Ouch. I'd find that ever so difficult.

BTW, welcome to Beyond Blue (BB) forums. You'll find the people who respond to your posts are both supportive and caring. One of the big things is, it's important to know what's 'really' happening so we can give you the benefit of our experience and knowledge. Lying here doesn't really help anyone. Most of all you.

Anyway, we will never know if you are lying anyway, nor in fact do we see this as an issue. Most people who respond are completely non judgemental so we will listen to what you say and provide feedback that is both supportive and caring.

The first thing that springs to my mind is - why do you lie? You talk about that something happened to you as a child. That is hard. You were probably forced to tell a lie, to keep a secret, to never divulge the truth.

You were a child then, you are no longer one. You were obviously forced to feel shame and guilt. I know what you are talking about because the same thing happened to me. I was forced to silence by telling me my younger brother and family members would be seriously hurt if I said anything. Before the trauma, I had just lost a brother, so the impact of being told I could lose another was so awful, I totally blocked out my memory.

You have your memory and have to deal cope / manage it. It is not easy, it takes time, effort and a lot of caring of yourself. From what you've said it seems like you know that lying isn't the way to go. Be truthful, it's my belief, in the end it will help you move on in your life. To help you be truthful, I think you'll need to work with your therapist. I can't do that for you I'm sorry.

If you need to chat online - have a look at the BB homepage for contact details or phone support service like the one BB has, 1300 224636.

Kind regards