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Need advice to stay grounded

Community Member

I have always had depression and anxiety since I was young.  It was triggered and has manifested since I separated from my husband last year, 2 very stressful years at work, 2 special needs children and now selling the house I love and moving to a new town.  I am burnt out and hit rock bottom.  everything feels overwhelming and I have relied on a great friend too much by clinging and subsequently she has backed away, I really need her and miss her terribly but I do understand why on her behalf.  she was the one who understood me and knew all my thoughts and feelings.  I was doing really well today and felt like I had made some progress in listening to my dreams and planning goals and letting my friend go until she is ready to talk again.  I was ok with that until I saw a msg she wrote to someone else.  Then all the hurt and feelings of losing her are coming back and its really hard to shake this anxiety.  On top of this I am trying to make good decisions and right decisions in my future and about where I will be living but I seem to get a different response from others disagreeing.  I don't know how to trust my decisions anymore, I don't know how to trust my ideas and goals.  I want this all to stop its going way too fast and everything is happening so quickly.

I am hurting because I am too much for people to handle.  I have support from medication, psychologist and social worker so whilst that is great.  Its moments like these when you are all alone and its the day to day managing and minute to minute handling of emotions and thoughts and not the once week appointments that are hard.

anyone else going through or have similar experiences


2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Ang,

Thank you for sharing your story. I completely understand the anxiety you may be feeling right now. After all, you have had immensely significant, multiple life changes taking place all within a very short period of time. That is tough on anybody, make no mistake. Unfortunately, we don't get to decide when these things hit us in life and we must roll with the punches, no matter how hard and fast they are coming.

I understand the angst about you temporarily spending time away from your friend. She seemed to have represented a pillar of stability in an otherwise tumultuous period in your life. It is no wonder that this is upsetting, and another unfortunate outcome. 

Given you are already undergoing rapid change, everything else in your life should be kept as simple as possible until the dust clears somewhat. This means if you have to move, consider moving closer to reliable family or stable people who can help you anchor for a while. This means if your job is too much, speaking with your boss about taking the pressure off, or, if possible, switching to something more manageable. This means having faith in your decisions, but making small as opposed to large decisions right now so this faith has a solid grounding. This also means building a support network (which it seems that you are doing) so that you may lean on them while you undergo this transition. Keep things simple with your kids, fall back on these relationships and do the small things with them. 

The good news is that this period cannot last forever, it will evolve and change. Try not to identify with it as this is not "you", these are not feelings or events that need to define the rest of your life. It is like getting whacked by a big wave at the beach - the best strategy is to relax, let it carry you with its force and momentum, and when it runs out of energy, come up for air. Conserve your energy while you are in the eye of the storm.

Please come and chat with us anytime, we are here for you.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Ang15,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.  I'm sorry that you're struggling but I can see that you have so much resilience from your post.  Not only have you been managing a separation from your husband, but also moving house, with two children and stressful work as well.  There's a lot on your plate at the moment and I give you credit for the way you're dealing with this.  I also appreciate that you've got a great support team with your GP, Psychologist and Social Worker.

It's definitely really hard when friendship situations happen like that; I know I have lost a lot of friends with the thought I was burdening them (I have health issues).  I always thought that I was too much to handle because I always had so much on my plate - but really after I thought about it, they were the ones who decided to leave the friendship.  We are who we are; in our messy bits and our good bits.  Friends can come and go, but that doesn't mean that you're "too much".  At the end of the day, it's their loss because they are missing out on getting to know you and your personality more.

My advice? It's cliche but try and take it one step at a time.  Give yourself credit for making it so far.  If your friend was going through the same situation what would you tell her? 

You can do this.  I know that it's overwhelming and it's okay to be scared and it's okay to be upset, but your still strong enough to handle it.

Hope this helps