My partner starting medication is hurting our relationship

[captain233]

Hello. 
 

Firstly my girlfriend and I have been together coming up to 4 years now and living together for over a year now. She has recently started medication for anxiety and likely depression. 
 

Recently her attitudes have become quite insensitive and she often speaks to me without much restraint for how I might feel. There’s also a general feeling of distance and lack of time for me now. 
 

We almost never fight/argue so this is a new turn. It’s especially difficult as it’s often unprovoked or from an inconvenience that would not have previously bothered her. 
 

For example I missed calls to pick her up at very late one night when she’d been out drinking to which on her entering the house proceeded to wake up me and insult me. This is unprecedented for her. I’m sure she’s thought these things before but even after confronting her about it the following morning after breakfast she doubled down and said it was fair. We’d never even planned that I was going to pick her up. 
 

I would like to think I do at least enough to support her, particularly cooking/organising many of the meals, cleaning, and driving her to things. Without much of the same back (this is okay) as she’s busy with a very difficult bachelor. 
 

To close things up this attitude is now feeling unsustainable to me and weighing heavily on my conscious too. 

Any pointers or advice would be greatly appreciated.  

[geoff]

Hello Captain233, there are a couple of issues here that need to be discussed, only if you want to.

I'm not a doctor, but perhaps before she started taking this medication she could have been suffering from anxiety and depression, which could mean that normally people in this condition wouldn't behave like this, all they want is peace and quiet.

If she realises this is happening, then this medication neds to be reviewed by her doctor, because it doesn't seem as though it's helping your relationship.

 This 'very difficult bachelor' she's busy with makes me ask, how much influence does this make to your relationship.

Geoff. 

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Dear captain233,
 
Let us join Geoff in welcoming you to the forums to seek support. Please know you can express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement, as this is a safe space.
 
We are sorry to hear that you have had this sudden change to your relationship and that this has been amplified by the inability to discuss and resolve the concerns. You deserve to be heard and understood allowing for discussion and potential compromise for things that are concerning or affecting either of you as this is part of a healthy relationship.

We would highly recommend contacting Relationships Australia, they provided excellent resources and supports for promoting healthy relationships and have multiple articles relating to this topic. You can also call them on 1300 364 277, this will allow you to discuss your concerns and hopefully receive some support to better be able to manage these sudden changes in your relationship dynamic and how to approach your partner about these concerns..
 
There's also some more really helpful resources available online, including this wonderful resource put together by Health Direct if you would like to have a read. 

Please remember we have a team of counsellors available 24/7 that would be happy to discuss your concerns and possible options. You can contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 224 636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat. Even if it just to talk to us and receive some reassurance, we are here for you.
 
Thank you for trusting our supportive community and sharing your experiences, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M