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Lost

Sgf
Community Member

I am lost and don't know what to do or where to turn or how to deal with the betrayal and continued lies and promises after catching my ex out cheating.  To make a very long story short I know the breakup is the right thing to do.  I don't really have an issue with that side of it but the level of lies and deception afterwards with promises to maybe look at the relationship later and his denial to even admit he was seeing someone else is really hard to wrap my head around.  I even went and begged him to tell me the truth and still he lied pretending he just need a break to wrap his head around other issues.  I ended up having to go to his place and find him and her in the PJ's early one morning to get him to actually admit he had moved on without telling me first.  This had been going on since Feb this year and I only started to find out in June of this year when I started to uncover the lies and texts etc. We didn't live together as he looks after his mum, and we did divorce years ago but got back together 12 yrs ago.  We have kids with issues, and I work from home to manage the kids so have become very isolated and do not have a life of my own.  I already suffer depression, and this has just been so sudden without any warning.  The day I found them together he finally admitted that she was his girlfriend, and I was just the ex, so what was my problem.  His mother who I thought was my friend all these years just stood there and told me that it was never a real relationship anyway so what was i so upset for.  I am alone now I don't have any friends; my mum has dementia so I can't talk to her anymore, i have lost someone i thought was my best friend who promised that he would never cheat on me as his first wife did it to him and my first hubby did it to me.  I am pretty sure he has been cheating on me for yrs.  The level of betrayal and the depths he continued to go to are my issue.  I am not suicidal as I have kids that need me, and he would never be able to deal with them.  But i don't know how to move on.....  I want to stop crying, I want to stop being so angry and i don't want to feel this way anymore.  I know i need help, but I don't earn enough to afford therapy and sorry but 5 sessions under the doctors referral seems so little.  

5 Replies 5

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Sgf,  We’re sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It sounds like it’s had some very serious impacts on your life, family, relationship and work. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.  It sounds like you could do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.  Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members once they spot your thread. We appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing to the forums, and we hope you can be kind to yourself, too while you’re going through this extremely difficult time.   Kind regards,   Sophie M 

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi Sgf,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have got so much going on in your life that is distressing for you. It is a lot for you to have to deal with. I would follow Sophie_M's advice and reach out to to the links she has suggested if I were you. Just so that you can talk through these issues and get some clarity. Sadly, people sometimes will let you down and not have the courage to be truthful. That says a lot about them. Having to manage with your mum's condition and your kids' issues on top of feeling betrayed and lied to is a lot to carry. I know it's hard but try to look after yourself. I don't know what State you are from though I know the mental health sessions vary from State to State (and have increased possible because of COVID) and you might find that it is more than 5 - worth checking with your GP. Come back and chat if you can or want to - just talking through your problems here can help.

 

WF

Sgf
Community Member

Thank you for your kind words it certainly helped just to write what I did.  I will and am thinking hard about get some help and your suggestions have given me some where to start, maybe

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sgf, I believe you are now entitled to 20 Medicare paid sessions and if you have had kids then you would think that there was once a relationship, contrary to what his mother has said, but because he has lied and cheated with you, then it would be most difficult to believe whatever he has to say.

This is not only concerning for you but also what he tells your kids, which can make your relationship, because of the kids, quite difficult.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Sgf
Community Member

Thanks Geoff

 I will look into it... I think I might just need it as I really am struggling to get past the lies and can't seem to stop it running around inside my head.  My boys n me we are a package deal they need me for day to day as even being young adults they all have autism of some kind. My grandson needs me too as his foster mum.  I have to be able to stand on my own 2 feet.  I've managed for yrs by myself dealing with the boys, life and my mum.  but all of a sudden this has just pulled the rug out from under me.  I'm not used to not being able to cope with things. It feels like I have been betrayed on the most deepest of levels and I don't know if I can trust again or if I even want too but I know I can't stay isolated with only my boys.  Gosh this is just so messy..