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My partner feels too far gone.

SOS2020
Community Member

I fell in love with a man 7 months ago. He has always suffered with mental health issues for as long as he can remember. recently he has gone downhill and has no will to live he feels like he is too far gone for any kind of help. he refuses to seek any kind of help because he feels like nothing will work and he will be permanently broken. i’m reaching out to this community to provide support on how I can help him until he is ready to seek help himself.

I understand that he can be sanctioned but right now I want to try every other option until I have to resort to that plan.

When he says things like he is too far gone or two broken what are some things that I can say or conversation starters I can use to help him talk about what he’s going through? he has lost the ability to open up and talk and this scares me.

He stopped taking his antidepressants a week ago because he believes they aren’t helping but he won’t go and seek a doctors opinion. It’s like the old saying you Can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink.

please let me know if you’ve been in a position like this and how you have supported a loved one through one of the worst times in their life?

I can’t lose this person it’s the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime and I would do anything to help him get better and see life from a different perspective.

he isn’t sleeping very well and he is an eating a lot which I know isn’t helping the situation. There’s only so much one person can do.

thanks

3 Replies 3

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator

Hey SOS2020,

Welcome to the forums, we're so grateful that you decided to reach out to our kind community for support. We're really sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through at the moment, we can hear how painful this must also be for you in trying to help support someone that you care so deeply for and are concerned about. You sound like an incredibly caring person, and a wonderful support to your partner. We hope that you find these forums to be a safe and non-judgemental space, and our community is here to help offer as much advice and support as you need through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, we'd also really encourage you to get in touch with our Support Service which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or you can also reach out to us at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport for online chat. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to give you some extra information, support, and advice to help you and your partner through this. 

You might also find some helpful advice on our pages:

"Having a Conversation with someone you're worried about"

"Supporting someone with a mental health condition"

"Self-care for the supporter"

You've shown a lot of strength in reaching out here for support, and we hope that you can find some comfort and great support in the kind words from our understanding community. We really hope that you feel free to keep updating us here on your thread to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it. We're all here to help you through this.
 

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear SOS2020~

I'd like to join with Sophie_M in welcoming you here. You are in a most worrying, even frightening situation and as far a you can see pretty powerless. You may be worried he may sink further, maybe even to the extent of thinking of taking his life.

Incidentally there is nothing wrong with asking that strait out "are you thinking about taking your life?" It will show you can and are non-judgmental and he may find relief in talking about it if he does feel that way.

Sadly it is a catch-22 situation, he needs to feel better to go and get medical relief, and does not feel good enough to go get it. I'm not sure what you can do. Trying to engage in conversation is something you have been hoping might help, really he needs medication and therapy.

Incidentally going off his meds without proper supervision is not a good thing, there can be quite severe side-effects.

In the event you feel there is a clear and present danger of him -or anyone else -getting hurt do not hesitate to ring 000.

Trying to live like this every day is an incredible strain and source of stress, and that in itself can make you ill. May I suggest your first rule is to have measures to keep you well. Do you for instance have someone to support you, a parent or freind you can unburden yourself to?

Even going to your GP would be a good plan, not only so your own health is monitored but also maybe to get some observations about your partner.

Trying to shoulder the burden of another in this state is realy too much for one person. It uses your efforts, sure, but also those of a medical team and the person them-self.

I take it by "sanctioned"you mean call in a CAAT team (a crisis assessment and treatment team) to see if a person is capable of taking care of themselves. The procedures for this vary from state to state and can sometime result in enforced treatment, however this may not be so where you are and is in any case so traumatic as to be a last resort.

I'm afraid the ideal is getting him back under medical supervision under his own steam. How you do this I'm not sure, however perhaps by offering to take him there, wait outside, or even go in with him if he wants, may be one thing to try.

Is there anyone he respects enough to take their advice or instructions, a parent perhaps?

I'm sorry there is no easy answer, so much depend on your partner. As you look around this forum you will see you are be no means alone

Please come back and say how you are going

Croix


ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear SOS2020

I join Sophie and Croix in welcoming you to the forums, I'm so glad you joined but very sorry for the reasons you're here.

I hope you find support, comfort and help within the forums and from the beautiful members here. Hugs.

Firstly, the best care you can offer your partner is to take very good care of yourself.
Remaining mentally healthy yourself is challenging during this journey, so if YOU need a Counsellor then get one. Please also remember the helplines available.. they are for YOU too.

All suggestions I have are for you too.

SELF-CARE is a biggie but heavily underestimated in it's power to heal us.

If you can put a Calendar on the fridge or somewhere partner can also see and mark some "things to look forward to" in this month, then do.
However small.
Write them in there.

"Connecting" with others is what we don't want to do when we're struggling with MH issues but it's EXACTLY what we need.
Inviting people you like over for afternoon tea or a BBQ or something is connecting.
Finding ANY ways to keep up connections is powerful for healing.

Getting out of the house (in the form of hidden exercise lol) is VERY beneficial. eg Feeding the ducks at the park. Going for a walk in nature! Visiting scenic places together etc.

Having a pet is also positive. They can be the best company because they just love you regardless. Also caring for something other than yourself has shown to help.

Ofcourse nutrition is a major factor, so exploring great choices in food (together maybe) can support a healthy lifestyle and healing. NOT buying junk food means it's not there to eat.
I'd be pretty straight up about this to partner about WHY you're focussing on nutrition, because you CARE about him.

Listening to things out loud in partner's company is a sneaky way to have him exposed to things that can help him and you too! There are many movies, podcasts etc within the forums to help guide you.
I love "The Call to Courage" by Brene Brown on Netflix.

Making the bed first thing in the morning is a strong hint that being in bed is over for the day lol.

I've supported my mother, an ex husband and now my children through MH issues. (Myself included).
It's taken me till THIS week to fully understand that the better I am, the more this buoys the others.

Best wishes and I Pray your partner improves with your love and support.
He's very lucky to have you.

Love EM