My partner cheated with a man who was a close family friend

[Shatteredrose]

So,

I found out my partner cheated on me in the past with a woman he met through his friends whilst doing his hobby. Also it came out that years ago he slept with a close family friend, although they didn't sleep!

We do have kids together so when I found out it was easy to kick him out. However, we managed to work through this and are back living together and the kids had no idea of any trouble.

I find myself struggling to come to terms with all the cheating, lying, deceit, betrayal etc. But most of all that he had sex with a man.

He swears it disgusted him and something he regrets but I'm finding it hard to move on.

I am a trusting person by nature and I'm not concerned he will do it again. He knows what he will lose. I am struggling getting over the act!

As this person was a close family friend we still have contact. I want to move on but feel our life is a sham now.

I think I love him but really can't understand how he could do this to me and our family.

Any help would be appreciated.

[blondguy]

Hello Shatteredrose

Welcome and thankyou for posting

I understand that you and your partner have worked through what has happened.

This is really a tough one Rose. I know that you are repulsed by your partner cheating on you with a man but at the end of the day whether its a female or a male he still did the wrong thing not only by you but his family by breaching your trust.

It takes a lot of strength as you have to forgive and move on....and make no mistake you do have an incredible amount of strength to have reconciled with him.

You mentioned that 'you think you love him' and thats okay as you are here reaching out and you dont mince your words...I am responding to what you have posted.

If he is truly sorry for his behavior he should be more than happy to say the same to a counselor with you right next to him, however....

Just my opinion though Rose but I would have to leave if I was in your shoes. The forums are a judgemental free zone as always but I myself couldnt live in a sham/doubtful relationship. Ive had a partner cheat on me and the wounds do cut deep.

If you have doubts now after your trust has been broken and being cheated on, the doubts may linger and have an effect on the childrens well being too.

I can feel your pain Rose.

You are amazing for posting and reaching out and good on you! There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you, even if you just need to chat 🙂

my kind thoughts to you and your children

Paul

[geoff]

hi Rose, and please forgive me as I'm using an old XP pc for the moment, but what I can only say is that I agree with Paul as he has slept with two other people so his trust has been broken.
You already know that he has been deceitful, told you lies and betrayed you, and even if you believe him that it won't happen again, unfortunately you will be disappointed.
Once this happens you can never believe him,he will find ways to hide it so that he thinks you don't know, but we live in a small world.
Don't be betrayed again, because it's going to happen, the other people are going to be trying their hardest to coach him, and he will oblige. Geoff.

[lulululu]

My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant 6 years ago then last year I found out that he was flirting with a work colleague and inviting her away for the weekend (among kisses/praise for how great she was/pet names for each other). He hides behind his mental health issues and takes no responsibility for his actions, apparently "these things just happen"! I forgave him the first time (we have children and 3 have health issues and I have no support where I live) but I think its obvious he isn't going to change because he does not want to. He does nothing to improve his mental health and I'm over his behaviour. However, it sounds like your husband may be better at communicating and wants to try? I understand how you have questions about why he behaved that way and he needs to be honest and answer them, taking responsibility for what he has done. I wonder why this male family friend needs to kept so close still? Would it help you to distance him? Once you have all answers will you be able to let this go? Does your husband treat you well overall now? I can't tell you what to do except to not let this damage your mental health, take time out for you. Work out what you need from your husband to move forward and whether he is committed to help you, seeing a counselor together if you need to or on your own. It sounds like you are still going through grief at what your husband has done.