My long distance boyfriend [M, 17] broke up with me [F, 17] because he lost the spark
I have known for him for 5 years. I was best friends with him for 3 years where I was secretly in love with him but then we started dating for 2 years because he realised he loved me too.
I was a positive type of person while he was a pessimistic type. He made me realise its okay to think negatively sometimes and not have it kill me and I made him realise its okay to think positively and not be let down.
We were good for each other. Supported each other in our time of need. Enjoyed life together. We felt like we could do anything. He was here for me and I was here for him.
He broke up with me a few days ago saying that his feelings are different as to when we started dating. He said he didn't love me anymore and that it didn't feel right. He said that it wasn't the right time to be together right now. I was devastated. He said he tried so hard to believe he still loves me. He said I truly made him happy so he tried so hard to believe that he loves me. He still cares about me a lot and I still care about him and love him. He said that he wanted to keep our friendship. We still think that we're each other's missing pieces.
We're meeting at the end of 2018 and the original plan was to meet as lovers but now the plan is to meet as friends.
Is it bad that I still hope that it will reignite when he meets me? For the two years that we dated, we've never met due to family against it. I'm hoping that meeting will restart it again as all we ever did was videocall and text. I'm hoping that I'll bring him excitement again. He's also been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ocd recently, and he's taking medication however he's getting higher dosage as it doesn't help. I'm think thats another factor too.
He's had a bad life. He's been depressed since he was young and his original plan was to commit suicide at 16. He told me I changed that. He said I gave him something to live for. He told me that when we were dating, there was no future that he imagined where I wasn't in it. But he told me that, he went back to square 1. He told me that he doesn't know anymore.
Is it bad to still hope that we'll meet again on the same path, to the same dream with the same feelings?
Because I truly believe so.
welcome to the forum. This is a very friendly, supportive, and caring place.
I am sorry you are sad that your boyfriend broke up with you when you did not expect this to happen.
Do you mean you have not seen each other for 2 years? Do you think his family may have put pressure on him to break up with you?
You are right that his depression may have a big influence on the way he thinks. if you look up depression on this site you will see lots of information that may help you understand how he thinks.
Some people find they lose interest in their friends, relationships, and some find nothing that used to give them pleasure will give them pleasure anymore.
I think having hope if it helps you is good but remember don't put pressure on him or try to change his mind, just be there as a friend and support him.
Welcome to the community here. If you feel comfortable in explaining, can you please tell us how the two of you met. I also understand you saying that you have not seen each other for two years and that your relationship has not be in person.
I feel that sometimes reality can be a little clouded in a relationship that is not conducted face to face as you can interpret things in a different way if you don't have that personal contact.
Do you feel it is possible for the two of you to just be friends and for you to continue to support him in a different way or would hat be too hurtful for you?
At your age I had a long distance friendship that only ever ended up being a friendship. We both married different people and remained friends for ages. In a way the platonic friendship we shared was probably easier to cope with.
Only time will tell if you manage to catch up with each other at the end of the year or not. Sometimes a meeting with a person can go differently than we plan or expect.
Hopefully your friend is able to receive the help he requires. Do you have anyone where you are who you can talk with regarding how you are feeling?
Wishing you both all the best, cheers from Dools
Thank you so much for replying. I was scared to actually type this as I got a lot of people telling me to just give up and completely cut him out of my life. It is very nice to see this.
During our relationship, we have never seen each other face to face in real life. I think that's also a factor. For family, it was more my family that was against it, so I don't think his family pressured him.
Yes I have decided to just be with him and give him support. I want to start over as new friends.
I want to move on from my previous feelings towards him and start a new one?
Like how if a flower dies, you replant another one. That's how I hope our friendship (and maybe more) will restart. I want to like him as a new person, kind of like liking a new crush. Maybe even starting a new love.
I'm not expecting him to come back to how we were. I've accepted that it will never come back. We have a completely different relationship now.
What I hope is that someday, we can start again. Cause I truly believed that we were right for each other. It just wasn't the right time.
I can definitely tell you how we met!
I had a friend who met someone online. My friend made me meet her friend and her friend made him meet us. That's how I met him. My friend and his friend lost contact with each other but we stayed and talked. We became best friends.
I think it is definitely possible for us to be friends and to continue on supporting him. I've been in this situation before for a long time but I know it's different now.
Like I said to my reply to Quirky, I want to think of him as a new crush and not an old flame. I want to move on from our previous relationship and just like him as a new person.
Even if we were to get back together, I would treat it as a completely new relationship and not as a continuation of our previous one.
We also talked about this again and we will both try to move on but, when we meet and if one of us (or even both) catch feelings, that's when we'll talk about each other again.
Also, I talk to my guidance councillor at school. If that helps.
I also really think depression played a big part as well. When we were together, he would sometimes push me away because he thinks I should find someone who can be there for me in real life despite him loving me a lot.
When he admitted that he liked me, he also tried pushing me away, saying things like 'you wouldn't want to date me, what if I can't give you things that you want?' I reassured him and told him I love him and that I wouldn't want anything in the world except for him. So we dated.
He gave me a lot of things. He made me see things differently, in a way that I wouldn't even have thought of and I did the same to him. He's a good person to me and I was good to him.